


Old Habits Die Hard

by dystopianDebaucher



Category: Free!
Genre: (by minor i mean like one-sided but anyway), Angst, Comedy, Drama, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Minor Tachibana Makoto/Yamazaki Sousuke, Model!Haruka, Romance, and the soumako is implied, but it happens, college student!sousuke, college teacher!makoto, headcanon that makoto leaves for tokyo for college, i hope--, i ship makoto and his happiness, like unwanted drama but drama nonetheless, makoharu - Freeform, model!rin, rin and haruka both in the national team, sorry about that too, the sourin isn't expounded on sorry, young!sousuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-29 22:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dystopianDebaucher/pseuds/dystopianDebaucher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're already 25.</p><p>Makoto never came back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Newfound Optimism

**Author's Note:**

> I made this with the (my???) headcanon that Makoto goes to Tokyo for college i-- idk-- The first part is from a comic i saw where makoto told haru he was leaving i don't have the link i apologize but im p sure paradigmation on tumblr was the one who translated it - u - I hope you enjoy!! English isn't my first language so forgive me if there are grammatical errors (esp with punctuation marks I hate those) and the fact that this is unedited hahaha )):

As usual, they were walking home together. Nothing out of the ordinary, or so Haruka thought.

Nearing Makoto's house, he grabbed his hand. "Nagisa and the others always tell me that when it comes to Haru, I'm like a mother."

"But my birthday is earlier than yours."

"You're right." Makoto chuckled before letting go of Haruka's hand.

"I must seem like a busybody to you, don't I? I mean even if I don't reach out and offer my hand to Haru, you'll be fine without me." He started, slowly letting go of the ocean-eyed boy's hand. "But as for me, I wouldn't be fine at all without Haru. And that's not good at all. So I've decided to go to Tokyo for college." Haruka's eyes seemed to darken with this sudden realization. The ocean in his eyes started to form a storm. "Sorry for telling you so late, Haru."

\--

_Sorry? He's sorry? Do I seem fine to him? Why is everyone leaving me? First Rin, now Makoto? No. Hell no._

Flurries of why's and no's cloud Haruka's mind by the time he got home. Flopping on the bed, not even having the energy to change, he drifted off to deep slumber in hopes that this was all a dream. He couldn't lose Makoto. He just couldn't. But he did. Nothing changed by the time he woke up.

\--

Makoto still dragged him out of the tub. They ate mackarel for breakfast. The day seemed longer than usual as he stared at the sky daydreaming, not even bothering to listen to the teacher. After school, they'd have swim practice. Gou would nag Rei for doing pointless warm-ups and Rei would retaliate with useless facts whilst still doing them. Nagisa would try to stop their bickering only to be told off by Gou to call her Kou. Makoto would end up being the one to settle everything and get them to practice properly whilst he would ignore everyone and jump into the pool without a second thought. Everything was their usual. Nothing had changed. Except for the fact that Makoto's leaving in 2 months time.

Everyone already knew. He was the last to find out. Makoto was already preparing for the entrance exams; enrolling in a cram school. How Haruka hated cram school. It took away Makoto from him. Makoto would end up only going to practice twice a week and they barely ever went home together. After that night, Haruka didn't question Makoto's decision. It was his life after all. But never did it stray from his thoughts. Makoto's words constantly replaying inside of his head, making him question if he really did need Makoto or not.

\--

During the days Makoto had cram school, he seemed fine. He would still eat and do his homework (half-assed, of course), clean himself and the house up, get to bed on time to make sure he wouldn’t sleep in. He seemed fine, yes, but there was always something missing whenever Makoto didn't pay enough attention to him.

As spoiled at that may sound, Makoto coming over for dinner (which more or less ends up him staying over) or walking him home would always be the highlight of his week. Therefore, he concluded, he wasn't fine without Makoto. "But he wants to leave and it's his life, what can I do about it?" He murmured as he got in bed, somewhat scolding himself for being too spoiled. "I'll let him be. He'll come back, definitely." Haruka cheered himself on with that sort of overly optimistic mindset he never imagined he'd have.

\--

Over the course of the two months, Makoto had left. Back in Iwatobi, Haruka could only tell himself Makoto would be back.

Definitely.


	2. Of Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto never came back.
> 
> But that doesn't mean Haruka'll stay away.

But Makoto never came back.

 

It’s been eight years. Eight long years of waiting, wishing and wanting for an outstretched hand and a smile as bright as the—no, it was even brighter than the sun—waiting for him as he emerged from the pool. But eight long years forced him to move on.

 

In those eight years, he began to swim competitively again. Swimming with Rin after they'd gotten over their now referred to as 'petty' dispute.

 

In those eight years, Haruka's now a _normal_  person. He went to college like  a _normal_  person would and graduated with a degree in business management. That never came in handy, though, as he ended up pursuing swimming as a career with Rin.

 

In those eight years, Haruka is now a world renowned athlete, sidelining as a swimsuit model. A career path he only picked up for the free swimsuits he'd be getting after every shoot, which also came with the nickname _The Emotionless Swimming Prince_ , gave him a chance to boost his confidence.

 

In those eight years, Haruka never forgot about Makoto. How every day, the brunette would drag him out of his bathtub saying they'd be late for school. How every day, while waiting for him to finish changing, he'd play with strays by the stairs. How Makoto halved their popsicle whenever they went out. How he'd never fail to make his day with that charming smile of his, the kind of smile Haru would like to believe that was reserved only for him.

 

And with eight years’ worth of having a cameras and microphones shoved in front of him, he finally mustered up enough courage to go see Makoto. He’d been to Tokyo lots of times for his job. Heck, he’s been outside the country, but never did he try to look for Makoto.

\--

Breathing in what seemed to be all of the air around him, he rang the bell.

Once, twice.

The familiar door with the placard ‘Tachibana’ where he’d spent more than half of his life going back and forth from seemed so threatening. The door opened and Haruka almost forgot how to breathe. “Haruka-kun?” A soft voice questioned, his eyes downcast. He didn’t want to see her, the mother of the person he loves the most yet abandoned him. He knew it was petty, blaming another person for the absence of warmth in his life, but he didn't know how to cope with this pain. Not yet and maybe not ever.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Tachibana.” He managed, trying hard not to let his voice crack. “Do you know where Makoto is?”

\--

“Oh dear, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Mrs. Tachibana stated, her tone as soft as her son’s and her smile just as bright. _Of course Makoto would’ve gotten his smile from his mother._ He thought, the ends of his mouth curving ever so slightly.

“It has. Do you know where Makoto is?” Haruka was never one to dawdle on things he’d wanted. And he’s dawdled long enough for something— someone he’s wanted for as long as he could remember. He got right to the point and didn’t waste a breath.

Mrs. Tachibana couldn’t help but smile. _Took him long enough._ She thought, slowly fiddling through one of her small notebooks by the phone. “Here.” She said, sliding the notebook towards Haruka. His eyes widened as he read on. Toudai? What was Makoto doing there?

This is…?” Pointing towards the address and number, he couldn’t help but scrunch his nose at it.

“Well, you asked where he was so here.”

\--

“Though I imagined Makoto to take on a teaching career, I never expected him to end up here.” He mumbled to himself, looking up and around the premises of the university. He was quite shocked to hear Makoto was now a Classics teacher at Japan’s top school, and his eye twitched when his mother commented on how popular he was. _Typical Makoto._ He snickered as he thought of all the attention Mr. Sunshine was getting, but that soon turned into a scowl as he realized that _oh no, Makoto was getting a lot of attention_.

"This is it." He mumbled, cheering himself on as he entered Toudai's gates. “No backing out now.” After eight long years of yearning for Makoto's warmth, he's now on his way to get it back.

\--

Haruka knew it was going to be difficult to find Makoto in the vastness of Toudai's campus, but he never thought it'd be  _THIS_  hard.

He was getting pushed aside all over the place, both by the too-busy-to-care students and the too-busy-to-notice-you teachers. Fed up with this treatment, Haruka quickly climbed the nearest tree to jump whoever passed him by next. He wasn't prepared to give up after all the effort it took, and if anyone knew Haruka well enough, he'd only have the care to put effort concerning two things: water and Makoto. That's it. That's the list.

Haruka, with much effort (more than what he's used to), finally climbed a tree out of desperation. Albeit many passer-bys finally noticed him, they didn't want to concern themselves with a weird man climbing a tree for no reason.

_'The stress is probably getting to him.' 'Is he hiding from someone?' 'But he looked like someone just now....' 'Who? Some homeless person you see frequently?' 'Stupid, no homeless person could afford such expensive clothes.' 'True, but he's still weird.' 'And he still resembles someone.'_

Just as the whispers started to die down, he heard a familiar voice shouting his name.

**"NANASE HARUKA GET DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW. DON'T YOU DARE GET MY VANS DIRTY."**

_Rin_. Of course it would be Rin. He'd be hoping for too much if all of a sudden Makoto would pop out of nowhere right when he needed and wanted him to the most. If that was possible, they never would've spent eight years away from each other.

"Rin...." He replied, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he slowly got down. "Do you know how much effort it took me to climb that?"

"I don't care about the effort you put into climbing this goddamn tree, I didn't want you to mess up my Vans." He retorted, lowering his volume when he realized the stare of the people around them. "Anyway you have a shoot in an hour, why are you in Toudai?" Rin questioned, fishing his phone out of his pocket to show Haruka his schedule (since it wouldn't be Haruka if he kept tabs on his work).

“More like, how do you even know I’m here.” He stated, his voice more monotonous than usual. He never even bothered to hear the reply when he blurted out, “I'm looking for Makoto, don't interrupt me. Go away and tell them to cancel the shoot or something." Obvious irritation present in his voice, after all, irritation was the only emotion Haruka could casually show.

_'No way, did he just say Nanase Haruka?' 'Seriously??' 'The other guy mentioned something about a shoot, remember?' 'Shh!! That other guy isn't just some other guy!! That's probably Matsuoka Rin!!' 'How would you know?' 'Idiot, Nanase-san just said his name didn't he? He said 'Rin'!'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeps i don't know how to write anymore )): i apologize for all the OOCness and idk huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu )): ok.


	3. Ordinary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto never left his thought process.
> 
> And Haruka isn't as ordinary as he'd like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these are simply highlights of Haruka's years after Makoto left. they can't even be considered flashbacks but yeah - u - Don't take note of the years of olympics or whatever or like the legal systems in japan or anywhere else cause idk them and i just made them up and yes.
> 
> unedited.

_The first year_

Haruka had been restless. He hasn't given his future much thought. All he ever thought about was finally becoming ordinary.

 

 _Idiot._ He thought, sighing as he lay in bed staring at the ever so white ceiling. How long has it been since he'd seen the light of day? Ever since Makoto left, the light in his eyes gradually faded. The rare curving of his lips were now nonexistent and his bond with his other friends started to break away. _This is why they leave you._

The silence was deafening and he refused to do anything about it. Haruka was unsure. He always was and right now, he feels as though he always will be. Everyone was leaving him behind and all he can do is sit back and watch. _Nothing I can do about it. It's their life anyway._ With that in mind, the only thing that echoed in his house after a heavy sigh was a knock.

"....Haruka? Open up."

_Rin?_

\--

_The second year_

He was swimming again. And not just in any pool or bathtub (or to some extent, an aquarium) but he was swimming for the world to see. The stage was set and all he had to do was dive. Haruka had practiced long and hard for this. Long and hard enough to forget about Makoto for the time being.

"Haru."

"What?"

"Thanks. For relying on me. And you know....actually going through with this."

"No need. I should be the one to thank you."

And with that he was off, cheers fell on deaf ears as Haruka had been so concentrated on whats in front of him: water. Time didn't matter to him. Nor did winning, though he was easily vexed if he lost. He was glad he agreed to this. Agreed to go with Rin and train. Agreed to go out and see the world, to see the light of day once more. But Haruka's eyes never shone as bright as it was when he was with Makoto. He never showed anyone the rare smile that could make anyone swoon. He never opened up, not even to the one who dragged him into this bright and sparkly world in order to forget about his bleak life back in Iwatobi. He felt sorry for Rin, for not giving back as much as him, but he knew these feelings would just bother the red-head so in turn, he made sure he'd at least not make the other look at him in scorn. He practiced, and practiced, and with that, he felt the least bit complete again.

\--

_The third year_

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"Medals."

"5."

"I have 6."

Competition after competition. That's what kept Haruka going. Rin was a great distraction and yet, there never seemed to be a day were Makoto didn't cross his mind. _After all these years, he didn't contact me. No calls, no texts, nothing._ Thoughts of what he did wrong or what had happened to his beloved childhood friend kept him from truly immersing himself in swimming. The water comforted him, yes, but it was never enough. The warmth it gave him was only momentary. Hot water let Haruka feel at ease, but it turning back to skin-burning ice cold water (okay that's probably an exaggeration but nevertheless it's what it felt like) left Haruka with the knowledge that the only person he's ever truly love he let slip away.

But another competition was coming up and he wasn't about to let thoughts of Makoto pull him down. He's quite sure that if he was still by his side, he would be smiling, cheering him on and telling him how beautiful his swimming was.

Haruka never thought of his swimming as beautiful. He only wanted to feel free. To not feel bound by anything around him and live for what he loves. _Do what you love and love what you do_ sort of thing. But swimming wasn't what he loved the most. It was Makoto. And ever since he left, he'd turn swimming into a coping mechanism, something he thought was an insult to water. But what else could he do? Lay to waste in the confines of his room with the thoughts of Makoto being a burden to him?

No.

Makoto was never a burden. Makoto was his light. And because he is his light, he will continue to live. The world was small and them meeting again wasn't something that farfetched, right?

\--

_The fourth year_

“YOU DON’T HAVE A PASSPORT???”

“No. Stop yelling.”

“Goddamn it, Haru. Tell me those things earlier. Come on.”

He was finally going to see the world. Or at least part of it. This was the first time Haruka would ever venture out of his comfort zone (also known as the entirety of Japan, if not just the confines of his room). In a week,he would leave Japan. United Kingdom…was it? He wasn’t entirely sure. All he knew was it was going to be an English speaking country and with that in mind, he would end up sticking to Rin like glue. If he was going to learn English, that should mean he’d have to use it forever. And he surely isn’t since he’d only be going there for two weeks.

 _Two weeks sticking to Rin._ Well that wasn’t a happy thought. But the effort he’d have to go through to learn English was surely less than the effort he’d have to put into getting along with Rin. _At least he's over his angsty teenager phase_ , he thought, snickering to himself as he remembered how much trouble he'd gotten them in because of his antics.

They got along, sure. But this new Rin is far more competitive and it’s only getting worse. _No, no. This is helping. At least I’m getting my mind off of things._ “Things” he thought, but he knew he only thought about one.

“Haru, fill these out and we’ll get your passport right before we leave.”

“Mhm.” He replied, not even looking at Rin and immediately started to fill out the forms. As long as he kept himself busy, he knew he wouldn’t have to think much. Or well, think about Makoto at the very least.

\--

_The fifth year_

“Modeling? I never agreed to that.”

“I know. But at least you get free stuff after your shoot.”

Raising a brow, interest obviously piqued, he asks, “What kind of _stuff_?” 

“Whatever you want."

With that, he agreed. Haruka agreed to model on one condition, he will get free swimsuits after every shoot and after he’d gain enough popularity, (which wasn’t hard considering he is quite a looker) he would be his own manager.

With the contract signed, Haruka was on his way up the social pyramid with requests for shoot after shoot. In one of his fansites, the nickname _‘The Emotionless Swimming Prince’_ was coined and eventually, his fans were given the name  _‘Sirens’_.

The free swim suits weren’t the only thing that made Haruka sign up to be the poster boy for half-naked models. He figured if he gained more popularity, Makoto would notice.

Of course Makoto would notice.

And maybe, just maybe, because he’d notice, he would contact him again. (Though Makoto having to have an ulterior motive, if ever he would even have the guts to have one, saddened him to some extent.)

\--

_The sixth year_

He was travelling again. Not just for swimming now but also for modeling. He’d been to Korea, America, New Zealand and now, he’s going to Italy. Now this was hard. Rin didn’t speak Italian and neither did he. Plus Rin wasn’t going to be working with him anyway.

They went their separate ways after landing and meeting with their designated “spokesperson”. Rin had a competition and Haruka, on the other hand, had a commercial to shoot. Despite his previous arguments that mostly included him glancing over to the side and pouting, telling the other he didn’t like talking and a flurry of no's, Haruka still ended up in a foreign land with foreign faces speaking a foreign tongue.

 _Irritating._ He thought as he got in the car to take him to the location of the shoot. This time it was a commercial for the new lineup of fall wear. He was modeling for the commercial but he wasn’t going to be in the runway show anyway. The logic in this shoot was beyond him. But nevertheless, he was getting paid and it was a chance to show Mako—no, the world, what he was capable of.

The “I’m going to try hard” spark in Haruka went as soon as it came and with its passing came the sound of sirens. And not the kind that went Gya~ Gya~ over the mention of Haruka’s name.

“Indecent exposure? I was just going for a swim!”

“ **YOU DON’T SWIM IN FOUNTAINS.** ” His manager scolded, his veins evident and about to burst. Of course he would get caught up in that kind of mess, it was Haruka afterall. “Whatever, just make your call.”

“What for, you’re already here to pick me up.”

“To put on a show. Now go dial a number.”

Scowling, Haruka reluctantly picked up the phone. His finger already pressed a number before he looked up to ask if international calls were allowed. With the nod of his manager’s head, he continued to dial the number he knew the most.

But he didn’t expect someone to pick up. After all these years, he thought he’d change his number by now but apparently he was mistaken.

“Hello?”

His voice was deeper now but his tone remained soft. It was in his nature, of course.

“Who is it?”

Haruka couldn’t bring himself to answer. Just hearing his voice again sent chills down his spine and he wasn’t ready for anything concerning Makoto at the moment. Especially not in Italian prison.

“Mako—“ _Click._

The line went dead and so did his spirit.

The commercial shooting went great, especially since he was dubbed ‘emotionless’ so his current state of spirit did not hinder his performance.

But those few words, a less than 30 second “exchange” (well there was some effort put into speaking), made all the difference. And he still and will never forget the sound of his voice.

\--

_The seventh year_

His travels and work load had an indirect relationship this year. As much as he wanted to go out, all his work “confined” him in Japan. Due to his increasing popularity, his time for swimming gradually lessened and his mood went downhill from there.

His usual soak in the tub time was eaten up by shoots and swim suits didn’t make him happy anymore. Swimming with Rin and competing were rare occurrences and there was nothing to distract him. Albeit the constant flashing of cameras is enough to distract any normal person, Haruka isn’t normal. As much as he wanted to be ‘ordinary’, like his grandmother had said, the way he’s living life now is far from it. He’s almost halfway through his twenties and way past the time of him being considered ordinary.

Why did he want that in the first place?

Being ordinary is boring. It doesn’t provide any distraction. Why would he dare think about becoming such a dull person living a mundane life?

 _Probably because I thought I’d be with Makoto forever._ And there we go. Once Makoto was included in his thought process, it took hours to get him out. His dream of living an ordinary life with the one constant faded seven years ago.

Yet it lingers.

And lingers.

And lingers.

He never wanted this. But it’s what he got and he’s sticking to it. Unless he has the guts face Makoto and look for him, this is good enough.

Not best. But enough.

Not what he wished for. But it was enough.

And as far as right now goes, it’s all he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter got away from me idk man  
> at first i was like 'o imma upload it in separate chapters cause its so long  
> and then lol too much effort and some of these are barely 300 words long so no tnx  
> anyway i hope you like it huhuhuhuhuhu i got stuck in the 5th and 6th years cause originally it was only supposed to be 5 years but i made it 8 cause i want them to be older tee hee ~*~*^_^*~*~ (ohmygod do i try) ((also the modeling thing came out of nowhere im sorry)) ((also also i'm sorry if its so ooc huhu))


	4. Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto has a clingy student and everyone in the University has a their own theory about the happenings in their teacher's life.
> 
> Haruka, on the other hand, is just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late and unedited i am so sorry ((maybe))

The eighth year Haruka stopped hesitating.

He stopped thinking about what others would say, what others would think and what others would do if he went out in broad daylight to find his first love—which incidentally happened to be a man and considering social norms, it wasn’t that well thought of. The whispers hadn’t died down. _It’s all Rin’s fault._ He thought, glaring at the red-head who was still pissed about his Vans. _He honestly didn’t have to shout my name like that._ And to think he went through all the trouble of disguising himself. Rin on the other hand was still holding out his phone, showing Haruka his schedule for today.

“So. Are you going to go or not?” He asked, tapping his foot as his patience grew thin. Haruka merely hmph-ed and got out his, sending a text to his contact about him not being able to go to the shoot, said he was sick and that he wouldn’t be able to take good pictures in his condition.

“Stop acting like my manager.” Haruka mumbled, glancing at the faces in the crowd. Maybe this shenanigan would bring out Makoto and he’d be able to see him again.

Just as he thought that, someone shouted his name. Well, not his but _his._

\--

“MAKOTO!” The boy shouted, quickly catching up to the brunette in front of him. “You didn’ haft’a run, y’know.” He stated, panting as he grabbed Makoto’s sleeve. He grew taller, now standing six feet and five inches. His skin was fairer, probably since he hasn’t swam in a while—or well a long time but even so, he was now probably as pale as Haruka. That’s probably the tallest he’s going to get considering his age but the fact that he was still able to grow and his muscles, though not regularly trained, remained intact would surprise just about anyone who knew him from his hometown.

“Sousuke, I told you, call me ‘Mr. Tachibana.’” Makoto replied, patting the head of the younger boy still clutching his sleeve. His voice was deeper now too, yet still had that caring and soothing tone one would never expect to come out of a man his size. The boy, Sousuke, was a senior and dubbed himself Makoto’s teaching assistance since day one of his Classic Literature class. The younger boy was well-built, not overly muscular nor too thin, and he was almost as tall as Makoto. _Almost_. He was quite fair skinned, something unexpected from someone who did track, and his stamina wasn’t quite built for marathons but he was a skilled sprinter and he was proud of it.

“And how many times have I told you, _no._ " The boy replied, chuckling as he went from clutching his sleeve to wrapping his arm around Makoto’s well-toned waist.

“You should really learn some manners.” Makoto sighed, grabbing the boy’s hand and dragging him towards the crowd.

\--

“Alright, alright, what’s this all about?” Makoto started to shh the crowd, whispers dying down or turning into a _‘Oh! Mr. Tachibana is here.’ ‘Damn, I’m late for my next class.’ ‘Wait but I want a picture with Nanase Haruka.’ ‘I wan’t one with Matsuoka Rin, but you can’t always win.’ ‘Mr. Tachibana is as cute as ever.’ ‘I know right! Let’s go!’ ‘I wan’t to see him mad!’_

His appearance suddenly made the crowd disperse, though glances towards Haruka’s direction still had yet to completely disappear. But those lingering glances soon intensified when Makoto blurted out “HARU?” and regained the attention of all of the students gathered in the area.

“Makoto, you know him?” Sousuke asked, his arm one again making its way around the others’ waist. “Though I mean who wouldn’t know him but do you _know_ him?” He continued, bringing Makoto closer. These little antics of his did not go past Haruka’s eyes. He glared at him, wondering who he was and who was he to touch Makoto in that way. He hasn’t touched Makoto and he’s known him for more than half his life. The attention seemed to have gotten to Makoto as he replied with a

“What? No well I only know him from magazines,” which seemed to have earned him a Haru-glare.

“Seems like he doesn’t remember you, Haru.” Rin’s voice suddenly came out of nowhere, he thought he’d already gone and had other things to do beside babysit him but apparently not. Haruka’s glare intensified as he walked towards Makoto, of course not before giving a side glance to Rin and a _stop touching him_ look to the unknown boy beside his love.

“Makoto stop lying.” He stated, whispers starting to erupt from everywhere again.

Makoto scanned the area, it was no use hiding it now that the students seem to have started theorizing on how their Classic Literature teacher would know such a star. He couldn’t help but sigh before taking a few steps forward, freeing himself from Sousuke’s….clingyness? and finally smiling as he stopped scanning and looked directly at Haruka. “Long time no see. Rin, you too."

\--

Sousuke clearly hadn’t let the topic go as he darted questions about their relationship and refused to let Makoto go even if he had class. “Go and be a good student, please.” Makoto quote-unquote reprimanded. He wouldn’t have one of his students be labeled a delinquent, which clearly isn’t the thing he’d be labeled as since he was only going to miss one class but Makoto couldn’t care less. He waved as the student trudged his way to his class, making Makoto promise to tell him everything later before he left. The students who stayed were the ones who had their breaks or just had their last class. Usually they would be gone right as the bell rang but the affairs of their teacher seemed to be too interesting to pass up seeing. Rin had already gone ahead of them, saying he had better and more important things to do than to have a tea party with them.

“Haruka, don’t forget your schedule.”

“I’m cancelling everything for today.”

“ _WHAT?_  Haru, aren’t those shoots important?”

“Damn right they are. Listen to Makoto.”

“No. Makoto’s more important right now.”

With Haruka’s clear stubbornness and his blatant refusal to anything Rin had to say, the both of them conceded and let Haruka have his way.

“Whatever, it’s your life and your money you’re losing anyway.” Were Rin’s last words before he went and hailed a cab outside of the University. Those last words made Makoto sigh a sigh that let happiness run away. The students were still staring at them as they sat down on one of the outdoor stone table sets, that action screamed _‘yes just watch us talk and make theories of your own’_ but Makoto couldn’t do anything about it. Wherever they went, they’d be stared at anyway and it seemed as though Haruka wanted to talk and wanted to do so _now_.

“Haru, you should really listen to Rin. You’re going to lose jobs and your popularity will swindle.” Haruka puffed his cheeks in reply, sulking because his best friend whom he hadn’t seen for eight years— _eight long years_ —seemed to want him to leave and wasn’t interested at all in how he was living for those said years. Makoto, having noticed Haruka’s train of thought as always, gave in. He rested his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand.

“How have you been these past eight years?”

Well there it was, the question he was waiting for. He wanted to tell him everything, from his boring days and thoughts of rotting away in his room to him being arrested for indecent exposure in Italy and his mistake in dialing Makoto’s number; his trips abroad and how everything reminded him of this tall, jade-eyed man whose every word echoed in his heart till this very moment and how much courage he had to build up over the years just to see him again. That he was the reason he was living this life and losing a job or two didn’t matter because what mattered most was _him_.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i totally ended up posting this without previewing it so i am sorry but anyway yeah it's been a while since i've written anything and i want to write more but i don't really go into detail cause i don't want my imagination to be everyone's imagination like do you feel me.
> 
> also i was going to have the clingy student have a girly name but i'm too me to think of one so.
> 
> i hope you liked the chapter ; u ; i tried a little bit. probably going to post a few one-shots here and there to keep me writing but anyway.


	5. Pros and Cons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka doesn't like effort and Makoto knows how to show an emotion besides happiness.
> 
> But Haruka isn't going to ruin this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its 12:30 am and this is unedited and i'm sorry

He’s _fine_ he said.  


What’s so _fine_ about him?  


The fact that for the past eight years he’s been longing for an outstretched hand that’s never going to be there? Yup. _fine_  


The fact that for half of his life he was abusing the only constant in his life and he can only admit to himself that he’s the reason for his moving away? Very _fine_ indeed.  


He is so _fine_ to the point that the only reason he was living the way he is, albeit this kind of life honestly doesn’t suit him nor did anyone expect this kind of life for him, is because of his need to be noticed yet the only person he wants to be noticed by doesn’t even bother.  


“You?” Haruka managed, getting out of his train of thought, not wanting to shed a tear because his person is right in front of him and this chance may never come by again.  


“Just _peachy_.” Makoto smiled, his response seemed far too Haru-like to seem remotely in character. But before Haruka could even comment on it nor make a face that practically says it all, Makoto sighs and straightens his back.  


“But you know, Haru, could you please elaborate on that _fine_?” Makoto’s tone lightened a bit but his face seemed more serious than usual. It was as though he could see Haruka’s train of thought. Knowing Makoto, he probably knows exactly what Haruka thought of. And knowing Haruka, Makoto’s rare mischievous side always comes out whenever it’s most unwanted and he never knew how to deal with this side of him.  


“Don’t want to.”  


“Why not?”  


“Too much effort.”  


“Well I heard you climbed a tree. Pretty sure this takes less effort than that.”  


 _Touché._ Haruka thought, completely speechless. While that is true to some extent, the effort needed to put his feelings into words is far greater than climbing Mt. Everest but he’d never admit that.  


“I was fine, Makoto. I ate and bathed and never had a problem with money. I got to swim a lot, heck, I still am swimming and I’m happy with my job and—“ Haruka let out an exasperated sigh. He wasn’t used to talking much and talking about his feelings less. “I was fine.”  


Makoto let his lips curl downwards, obviously unamused. He was never one to frown, or to be unhappy or anything close to the word. Makoto Tachibana was something like a ray of sunshine after the rain, as corny as that may sound; his personality was overall optimistic and he was the ‘true loyal friend’ type. Or well, that is what most people thought. But Haruka knew better. Haruka knew Makoto just as well as Makoto knew him, though he never admitted to it for Makoto’s sake.  


“Is that all?” He asked, resuming his past position wherein he rested his chin on his hand as his arm rested on the table.  


Haruka knew this wasn’t going to end until Makoto’s curiosity is satisfied. After all, while curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back.  


The bell rang and Makoto got up, albeit abruptly and the way his knee hit the table and him almost falling over can’t really be counted as ‘getting up’, he cursed under his breath remembering he still had two classes that day. Fishing out his apartment keys from his pants pocket, a small orca being its keychain, he put it on the table and tapped twice.  


was all he needed to do before he dashed back from whence he came, pulling out his cellphone as well. We’ll talk later is what Haruka assumed he said, and his assumption was proven right when just as he was about to get out of the university, his phone vibrated.  


_Haru, I get out at 5 pm.  
_

_[ATTACHED: myapartmentmap.png]_  


That text came around five minutes after Makoto’s sudden disappearance. It came right on time as Haruka managed to hail a cab, a small smile gracing his face as he got in.  


It was three in the afternoon. By the looks of it, it only takes around fifteen minutes to get to Makoto’s apartment. He had plenty of time to spare. Heck, he could go to two shoots and train for a few minutes in the time he had to spare but did he want to? No.  


Did he need to? Well obviously. But in the end, the question was ‘Which is more important?’ and Makoto was always the answer to that.  


“Mr. Please drive to this place.” He said, leaning forward and showing the cab driver the map.  


“All right then.” The cabby replied, nodding and assuring Haruka he knew where that was and how to get there just in one glance.  


\--

As expected, Haruka was in front of Makoto’s apartment within thirty minutes. The travel time only took longer than expected because of an unfortunate car accident which left them with no choice but to take the longer route. 

_At least the time I had to wait for him to come home is shortened._ He thought, trying to be optimistic about things. But of course, he couldn’t really, because he knew that the moment Makoto came home, he would have to talk. 

Talk about his feelings. His anxiety over the years. His anger at why Makoto didn’t even bother to stay in touch. His fear that he was forgotten and replaced. His happiness whenever he thought of the other. His smiles that only appear because he thought of him. Everything. And he wasn’t prepared for any of it. Not by a long shot. But he still let himself in. 

\--

Makoto’s place was an obvious bachelor’s pad. It had three rooms. One master’s bedroom, obviously where Makoto sleeps, walls painted a light shade of green with furniture and fixtures either being a shade of blue or translucent white. The bed big enough for two but only had a lone pillow, so tidy it seemed as if no one had slept on it before. One guest bedroom, a single bed in the middle of a small white-walled, wood furnished room with far too many pillows a person could need nor want. And one bathroom, white-tiled and clean. The toiletries were tidy and the shower-bathtub was clean and big enough that it could be considered a small Jacuzzi. The kitchen was open and was merely a part of the one big space that doubled as a living room and a dining room. 

It was quite empty, the living room only had a sofa and a flat screen tv. The ‘dining room’ a mere square table with two chairs facing each other. The kitchen looked too clean to be regularly used. Pots and pans were tidied up, same goes for the dull kitchen knives that seemed to be for décor only. The refrigerator only had two cans of beer, a half-eaten Mcdonald’s big mac and a lone cucumber. 

\--

Haruka’s little excursion in Makoto’s apartment apparently took longer than it should’ve because when he checked the time, it was already four twenty-nine. He sat on the sofa and debated on whether or not he should watch the telly while waiting. 

_Pro: it would help him pass his time while he waited._

_Con: it’s not his apartment._

_Pro: Makoto wouldn’t mind._

_Con: he might fall asleep._

His internal debate didn’t last for long as Makoto’s scent that wafted through the apartment, the only indication that yes, Makoto did live there, lulled him to sleep. 

And the only person Haruka would probably ever admit he liked waking up next to was sitting beside him, asleep with his head on top of his. It made Haruka question a little as to how he didn’t even notice Makoto’s return as his head was fairly heavy but then again, this was the only time he woke up on the right side of the bed in eight years. He wasn’t about to ruin the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually haven't got a clue as to how big Makoto's apartment is but I want it medium-sized???? lol???? because i want it to be bigger for one person to live in but smaller for three. so uh 'threes a crowd' sort of size i-- do i make sense-- no ofc not i haven't slept in two days.
> 
> but anyway yes so i'm still tryin to figure out how to put into words what haru feels cause i am so done w makoto being the one head over heels for haru like darling pls enough of ur saint-ness i--
> 
> hope u like it tho thanks for the kudos and comments they really do make me a happy person yay happiness but w/e ok huhuhuhuhu mwah.
> 
> ((side note im uploading a mix in commemoration of this im probs going to put the link in the next chapter but i've already made a makoharu mix http://8tracks.com/bakedmaclang/until-my-dying-day yes this is shameless plugging humour me pls))


	6. Giving In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was fine and Makoto was just peachy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sleepy and this is unedited with a shit ton of dialogue (or well ish)

He doesn’t remember when they met. It’s too troublesome trying to, anyway. From the time Haruka was able to form clear and concise memories, he and Makoto were bound by the hip, and that was no understatement. They did everything together, from eating to bathing right up till sleeping.

Their parents were more or less acquainted. Except for play dates, Haruka had never mentioned Makoto’s mother before. Phone calls, texts, face-to-face conversations, they were so rare he was beginning to question how he and Makoto met. But he wasn’t one to complain. Why would he when this perfect being was beside him day and night? Sometimes, he’d even forget they were two separate people. 

Makoto leaving was a huge blow to his ego. He thought this relationship would be…well, _ephemeral_. The only constant thing in his life would leave him, and now whenever he would encounter his solitary outline, it would seem like its cut in half. Which is what it feels like when someone, whom you thought you knew more than yourself, leaves.

Eight years, he waited for this. For Makoto to come back (or more or less just to feel Makoto’s warmth again) and be by his side. Their silhouettes were one again, and he never felt so complete. Never in these eight years, did he feel as though he was human again. (An exaggeration, maybe. But it was Haruka’s constant yearning who defined his humanity, and by his logic this was _far_ from an exaggeration.)

\--

When Makoto told Haruka of his plans, he couldn’t read him at all. He doesn’t think neither of them could read each other then. For the first time ever, Haruka couldn’t read Makoto. All he knew was that his current train of thought had nothing to do with him. The dent he left in Haruka’s heart remained and now he had the audacity to ask him how he was? And that he was _just peachy_? Lovely, this day was.

But Haruka knew. He knew he would have to give in. Elaborating on that _fine_ but he thought he’d be able to stall Makoto for a little while. To think of what he would say, to not sound so desperate for his company. But his gentle giant didn’t even allow him to blink.  
The lightest shift in his movement awoke the person who, when he sat up, instantly sent chills down his spine. The lack of warmth left him defenseless to the soft, half-asleep, smile that greeted him when he looked up.

Rubbing his eyes, Makoto suppressed a yawn to get out “I fell asleep” in an apologetic tone.

“It’s fine.” He answered, shifting to position himself and stare right at the other. How was he supposed to get out of this now? He wasn’t ready to share his feelings. Heck, he was far from ready to even utter a word about the past eight years.

“Should we talk now or should I get tea first?”

“Let’s talk.” If he were to let this chance slip by, he would never be able to face him again. Makoto’s disappointment in him hiding his feelings would show and he wasn’t ready to see such a sight.

“Sure.”

\--

Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, and every breath felt like a year gone from his lifetime.

“So.”

“So.”

“You’re fine.”

“And you’re peachy.”

“Haru….”

“Alright, alright.”

And there goes nothing.

\--

“I’m not fine.” He started, shifting his eyes and slightly turning his head away. It was a habit of his, whenever he faced something too troublesome to deal with. “I haven’t been, since you left.”

“Well you look fine and dandy….on the outside.”

“Exactly.”

“So why’d you call me out of the blue that one year?”

His eyes widened. He knew? He didn’t have time to ponder on how Makoto knew it was him, or why he didn’t contact him after if he did. He merely continued and shrugged it off, answering his question with _of course he’d know_.

“By accident. Anyway, I’m not fine. I tried to be, though. Water doesn’t help as much as it did back then.”

“Why?”

“Because you weren’t there to pull me out of it.”

He saw Makoto’s eyes widen. Now it was his turn to show evident shock. And yet again, he shrugged it off. “Rin got me out of the house. Helped me see the world. I’ve been all over the place. I rose to fame with little effort. Didn’t think my face would be such an asset, but it was.”

“Of course it is. You’re beautiful, Haru.”

 _A counterattack?_ Well, whatever. Makoto managed to make him blush with that compliment, but who wouldn’t? He was just called beautiful by the man whose opinion mattered most in the world. “And so are you.” The compliments didn’t stop there and they fed each other’s ego for a good five minutes or so.

“SO.” Haruka was the first to stop it, of course. His face made a tomato look pale, but Makoto’s was just the perfect hue of red. It was quite adorable, but this wasn’t the time to bask in the glory of Makoto’s face and thank heavens for giving him such wonderful genes.

“So you’re not fine.”

“Not at all.”

A sigh. Makoto felt terrible. He was the one to blame for this, his childish actions made his treasured person feel terrible and the burden of this thought weight heavy on his mind.

“Makoto.”

“Hm?”

“I’m fine now.”

A quick quirk of the head and a slight change in the angle of his brow told Haruka he was just as perplexed as he was when he first saw him on campus.

“It’s because I saw you again.” Those words rolled of his tongue so quickly and so naturally, his eight years of holding back meant nothing that moment. He gave in to his constant yearning of warmth. And the thought of not needing to hold back anymore tugged at the ends of his lips. The rare smile that seemed to have disappeared eight years ago was back, and the sight of which turned Makoto’s frown upside down.

“Same here.” He said, smiling a smile so bright the sun paled in comparison.

“Come again?”

“Haru, you know full well I’m a terrible liar.”

“You are.”

“Well, how’d you think I felt these eight years then?”

Another smile. This one wider than before, and slightly teasing. “ _Just peachy._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so even with feelings, I highly doubt Haru would utter more than 5 sentences, so there really isn't much. But i tried to make the best out of the few sentences he uttered so i hope it was fine huhu
> 
> next up would be makoto's feels so that would mean more dialogue than this and idk man makoto seems more touchy-feely with this subj so--
> 
> but that's just me. and these are just my headcanons. so i hope y'all are ok with that huhu.  
> hope you enjoyed reading. haven't written in such a long time, tryin to get back to writing but ughhhh )): anyway, thank you for the kudos and comments, they really do mean a lot to me! (:
> 
> ((also remember that mix i talked about last chapter yeah i made it a few days back and [ here it is ](http://8tracks.com/bakedmaclang/another-try) i hope its fine huhu shameless plugging. ))


	7. And So

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's as fine as he told Haruka he was.

Haruka sighed. He just wanted to more about how Makoto spent the years without him, and he was quite disappointed in himself that eight years struggled on his lips yet all he said was _fine._ Even after that whole “explanation” (which can’t really be counted as much but at least he talked), his feelings and train of thought remained the same, _how was Makoto?_

After a few minutes of glaring him down, Haruka was finally able to force Makoto into talking. With those eyes that seemed to be drowning him every second that passed, Makoto didn’t really have much choice. “Alright, alright,” he started, admitting defeat and raising both his hands, a white flag seemingly materializing behind him. “So—“

\--

Makoto never really forgot about Haruka. I mean, having spent half their lives together, who could? The first year was practically _hell_. He never thought it’d be that hard making friends in college. I mean, being a “country bumpkin” and all, he couldn’t relate to what most kids were talking about. He felt so isolated during the first semester and he missed his family, he missed Haruka, and he missed home. He messaged and called on a regular basis but he could never tell his family how miserable he was. I mean, how would _'Hey guys, I feel so alone right now but I’m fine. No one’s really talking to me and I don’t get anything they’re saying and I miss you guys a lot but everything’s all good'._ Like wow, _how convincing._ How he ever got the courage to go through with this whole moving to Tokyo plan was beyond him. The second semester was better than the first; at least he was able to make small talk with random classmates now. But that was all. That was the ‘great improvement’ in Makoto’s life and so his life remained labeled as hell on Earth the first year he was away. At least his grades were great, since he had no one to talk to. At least he was on the Dean’s list, and he maintained his high grades. At least there was a consolation to not having friends. 

The second year there was actual improvement. He started opening up to a few people and slowly gained a steady group of friends. They were great, not exactly like those at home but great nonetheless. They understood that he wasn’t aware of much city happenings and tried to teach him instead of tease him about it. They unceasingly affirmed him of how great a person he was and that he was too kind for his own good but that’s how he is and they accept him for it. He especially became close to one of the girls named Miharu. Coincidentally, her nickname was also Haru. And another coincidence was that he became great friends with her that they were either considered to be best friends or dating. And one last coincidence, she now works with Makoto at Tokyo University as an English teacher, having studied in New Zealand for 10 years. It was great having her around, being able to talk to her made Makoto so happy he wondered if there was something _more_ to those feelings but never really acted upon curiosity.  
Third year was by far the best year since entering college. Makoto learned how to make solid decisions based on pros and cons and not just feelings. He took up education as a minor and decided he wanted to be a teacher. At first, he thought that becoming a kindergarten teacher would suit him the best, having younger siblings and all, but he was immediately reminded of the fact that besides his siblings, Makoto was never great at handling kids. They oftentimes treated him as a pushover, and honestly, even his siblings do but he’s too kind of an older brother to even realize it. Then he thought he’d teach middle school or maybe even high school, but teenagers with raging hormones aren’t exactly his cup of tea. Then he decided on teaching in universities. He’d probably still be a pushover but with his build, people would take him more seriously and college students tend to know who they should mess with and not and Makoto’s type is the type to be the scariest when angry. That kind of stereotype was probably what saved him from bullies and constant teasing throughout the years. And it wasn’t even just a stereotype. It was true and unfortunately for Haruka, he experienced it first had. Though that’s another story. With his future all planned out, he only needed to keep his grades up and graduate a Dean’s lister (hopefully ,since he’s been slacking off and he was almost removed last semester).

His final year in college made Makoto sad. An obvious understatement, because senior year is the year you’d actually have to get out and see the world. Be forced to, actually. You’re a grown man when you leave college, or so people would hope to be. It made him reminisce to the days his only problem was improving his stroke and getting Haruka out of the bath in time for school. Haruka. He hasn’t thought of him in a while. It was kind of sad, he was his best friend and the only person he knew he loved, and he hasn’t thought of him since sophomore year started. He doubts he was missed, though, seeing as the only thing important to him was water. And that Rin’s return just made Makoto feel like a third wheel. But whatever, that’s done and over with and there’s nothing he could do about it now. Well, he could contact him and try to regain the friendship that was lost for three years but nope. **N O P E.** He didn’t have the backbone to do so. And he was happy with the friends he has. He was happy with Miharu and he was decided in life. What more could he ask for? He wasn’t going to just barge into Haruka’s life again and be all like _‘Yo so we haven’t spoken in three years but we cool, yea? Cool as ice but not that cool cause you’d rather have water. Hahahahahahaha—‘_ and that’s how he decided he would never contact Haruka. At least not until he knew what he would say.

And another year passed and the feelings he wanted Haruka to know, he just couldn’t word properly. Before he knew it, the year passed and all he did was fill out paperwork in hopes to get a job. Landing a job in Tokyo University derailed the whole ‘get-in-touch-with-Haruka-again-without-sounding-like-a-dumbfuck’ train of thought and he immediately composed himself and went to work.

He was getting used to working and his teaching skills readily improved. He was totally focused and he was getting along with his co-workers, especially with Miharu, more so than when they were in college. He was on the roll when a sudden call got him dumbstruck. The call had an international number and he didn’t know if he should even pick up, but what’s the harm? Well, besides the huge phone bill he’d probably get at the end of the month.

“Hello?” He asked, to no avail. The person on the other line seemed to be as dumbstruck as he, since he heard nothing but soft gasps. “Who is it?” He tried again, and again, to no avail. He wasn’t that disturbed about the call until he was about to hang up and heard the person on the other end of the line say his name. Unfortunately, he pressed the end button before he could even finish saying Makoto’s name. That voice he would know even if there were a hundred people in a small, cramped room all talking at the same time. “Haru--?????” He wondered out loud, before he was interrupted by a female voice asking him what he needed. Totally forgot about the other Haru in his life. But that call threw him off his game and he had gotten a formal warning from doing so poorly. By the end of the sixth year, without another call from his former best friend (yes, former, because it’s been six years and he highly doubts he can even be called that with nothing connecting them), he was able to get back his jive and no other formal warning was issued.

The seventh year, he found himself browsing a convenience store magazine rack. He never thought he’d see what he had seen. Haruka. In a magazine. Posing. And apparently slowly becoming a big shot in the industry. All that new information just made his jaw drop in awe. This was one thing he _never_ expected would happen but then again, a lot could happen in seven years.

“I didn’t think you’d be into those.” A female voice commented, putting her chin atop Makoto’s broad shoulder.

“Oh! Haru! No no, I’m not.”

“ _Oh really_. Seemed like a face a teenage boy would make upon seeing his first porn magazine.”

“Honestly, Haru….” He conceded, nothing he could do about his expression. He was in utter shock and what kind of face he made was at the bottom of his priority list.  
And now we’re back to this year, with him facing the person he never thought he’d see again, questioning about how he’s been feeling since they parted ways. Honestly speaking, he didn’t miss Haruka that much. It was quite a surprise, but now that he’s face-to-face with said person again, all the feelings of longing and warmth he buried deep down ever since he told the raven haired boy of his plans burst at the seams. That’s the reason why he chose not to miss Haruka. Well, one of. But the happiness of seeing his best friend doing so well but feeling so down because of him made his chest well up. He was that missed? Amazing.

\--

“And that’s pretty much it. I’ve met amazing people, as I’ve said, and am doing fine at work, which is an understatement. I’ve received a lot of compliments on the way I teach and a lot of students have crushes on me, though it can be quite disturbing at times. There’s this guy, his name his Sousuke. You’ve seen him, right? Yeah well he’s the student closest to me, I guess. He helps me with some of my work and he keeps me company and I like talking to him since he calms me down. I told you, I’ve been peachy.”

Taking a deep breath, Makoto turned and faced Haruka, literally faced him this time and not side-glancing at him, and placing one of his arms on the back of the sofa while one of his legs on the sofa while the other was steady on the floor.

“And that’s how I spent the eight years we were apart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter kinda got away from me--  
> sorry for not updating!! )): i'm going to post another one after this cause it's been a while so u get 2 chapters lol huhuhuhu  
> next chap is the reason why makoto left--
> 
> so i hope u like and can i just say that this is unedited and i apologize greatly cause idk how to english idk man not my native tongue i think i spelled loads of shit wrong but ye--
> 
> thank you for reading! <3


	8. Convivencia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both don't want to break their ties, so Haruka surprises Makoto with an outrageous solution.

Dumbstruck by how Makoto described the years they were apart, Haruka could do nothing but make a face that said everything— _what-the-fuck-Makoto-why-didn’t-you-mention-anything-about-missing-me_ was written all over his face. Makoto surely could read it but decided not to comment. Instead of sulking about how Makoto didn’t seem like he missed him, at least not as much as he’d miss the other, he blurted out another bluntly put question: “Why did you leave me?”

The way he worded his question was like asking a former lover what he was lacking and why their relationship fell and shattered to tiny little pieces. But the situation right now doesn’t change much of that anyway. The feeling’s the same. 

It took a while before Makoto could fathom the gravity of the question. How should he approach it? Should he reply nonchalantly and do what those hipster posters said and keep calm? Maybe he should be direct about it. He’s never tried that method and if he beat around the bush, Haruka would probably make a more concerning face, a face more distorted than the one he’s wearing now, a face unfit for one such as “The Emotionless Swimming Prince”. After a long pause and a deep _deep_ breath, Makoto finally braced himself for whatever reaction Haruka might have and opened his mouth. “Because I got tired.”

That kind of response wasn’t something Haruka had expected, obvious in how his jaw was slightly ajar and his eyes wide in shock. “Tired?” He asked, his voice coming out a bit shaky.

“Yes, tired.”

“How so? Why? What?” Confusion overpowering the shock , Haruka couldn’t keep his emotions intact. His face said so many things at the same time and the distortions almost made Makoto laugh, but this wasn’t the time. The _did-swimming-tire-you-out-that-much_ confusion and _are-the-twins-that-annoying_ with hints of _I-know-mackerel-isn’t-that-good-but-seriously_ in his face were so amusing, the taller man couldn’t help but smile a little. Everything in his face screamed remorse and confusion but none of his speculations quite hit the mark. They thought they knew everything about each other, but apparently the confidence in having known each other half their lives got to them.

“I got tired of being friends with you.”

Well, that was one punch after another. Adding fuel to the fire. Adding salt to a wound (and an open one at that). A million little darts to the heart. Trillions of arrows to the bone marrows. Everything. Haruka felt like he just opened a portal to a black hole and jumped right into it. Makoto couldn’t help it. He started it and Haruka wouldn’t be satisfied either way, but he could at least be a little subtle about it. He always has been and he’s probably changed these past years but this is one _drastic_ change.

Noticing Haruka’s internal turmoil, Makoto was debating on whether or not to continue. If he were to do so, Haruka would probably end up feeling worse than he already was. But if he wouldn’t, the other man wouldn’t let him. So he heaved a sigh and decided to continue without hearing what Haruka would like to say (if he could even think of any).

“Well, more like it felt like you were getting tired of me.”

“I would never.” Retorted Haruka, but Makoto paid him no attention and decided to continue. “Yeah, but just in general, it felt like I was being too clingy of a friend, I guess.”

“You were never—“

“Haru. Let me finish.” A little shocked as to how he was just asked to shut up by the person who seems like a living saint, Haruka gave him a small nod in response that told him more than what the gesture seemed. _‘Yeah I’ll be a good little boy and shut up so fine, continue hurting me it’s all good I deserve it either way but yeah I’ll keep quiet.’_

“Okay. So I guess it all started when Rin came back. And believe me, I don’t blame Rin. He just made me realize how I act around you, since I see how you act around him. You looked…well, _happier._ Like I wasn’t needed in your world. I would often times avoid you and not once did you even comment on it. As though telling me I wasn’t missed. That’s when I decided that since you wouldn’t miss me, I wouldn’t miss you. Simple as that.” After that simple, yet extremely complicated explanation, Makoto rubbed the nape of his neck. He felt kind of bad on how he worded it but that’s the truth and at least he got that out of the way.

“I guess it was a little childish, but I was able to move on. Though I don’t know if _move on_ could be used in this situation, but yes, I did. And I saw some of your races and you seemed content and happy and you got to travel and see the world, which is something I never could’ve done with you and I guess that’s why I just…I don’t know….gave up.”

“Don’t.”

Confused as to what Haruka meant, Makoto stared at him for a while in hopes he would continue. And he did, much to his surprise.

“Don’t give up. On..I don’t know…us?”

“Are you telling me or asking me—“

“Makoto.”

“Alright, alright, I get it. But I mean, my feelings haven’t changed. I still really care about you but every time I spend with you, I feel like I’m just not good enough. I feel as though I’m just…there. I don’t feel unwanted or unwelcome, I never felt that when I’m with you, but it was like you just got so used to me being there that it never occurred to you that I have feelings and needs and wants too.”

“I know.”

“Well, yeah. Now you do. But still—“

“No. I knew. I’m sorry.”

\--

“You…. _knew_?” Well, this was certainly a surprise. If Haruka knew all the while, why did he do nothing to change it? Was he that insignificant that he never even tried? Was he not worth the effort? Well then—

“But I didn’t do anything. I’m sorry.” Seems like Haruka read his mind. Apologies aside, he now feels worse. Sure, Haruka probably feels worse than he, but this was kind of unfair. He knows he didn’t try to keep in touch, but the reason for that was because his space in Haruka’s life was now being taken over by Rin and he thought he wouldn’t care. Apparently not, but the feeling was there.

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” Haruka sounded quite remorseful yet commanding. Like he was actually scolding Makoto for telling him that everything’s now okay. It wasn’t and they both knew it and they had to do _something_ about it, lest they give up on this friendship then and there. Seeing as both were unwilling to do so, they had no choice but to just hear each other out and slowly work things out.

“Yes, it isn’t. But what do we do now?”

“We go back. To the way we were. To the days when _I needed you to breathe_.” Though those days never really stopped, Haruka didn’t want to admit that. Not right now, at least.

“You needed me to what now?” Makoto snorted, amused. This was so…Haru-like. Saying such emotional things with such a deadpan expression in such a deadpan tone. Classic kuudere, I guess. But nevertheless, he accepted. What else was he supposed to do? Turn down his (former but hopefully not) best friend? Unlikely, knowing Makoto. “Alright. But with our schedules, how would we…”

“Simple, really. Let’s live together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry--  
> this is unedited and im not even sure if i used kuudere right--  
> i'm--  
> yeah--  
> i hope you liked it though even if that was just one whole shitstorm of ooc-ness but idk i just got so _tired_ of Makoto being the one so deeply in love with Haru that i thought a change of roles might be good. 
> 
> but that doesn't mean makoto doesn't love him oops ok anyway yeah sorry i-- ily all i hope u liked it tbh huhuhu cry mwa


	9. Onwards to Sharkboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A two-second barely in-depth travel through Haruka and Makoto's brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry sorry for the super duper late update and super crappy chapter-- I've been busy-- ok not really I was lazy and stuck on he story so--
> 
> But anyway I hope you enjoy!

Easy, he said. Let’s live together, he said. How the frick am I supposed to respond to that?! Obviously, Haru’s being dead serious here but I mean come on, it feels as though we just met!! Eight years normally do that to people!! Then again, normal isn’t really something to describe Haru, no matter what age he is.

Ugh. How can I tell him subtly that ‘no, I don’t want to live with you and no, it won’t be that easy.’ I mean, all these years I didn’t contact him ‘cause I thought it’d be better this way and frankly speaking, his life right now seems to be great—then wHY???????

He’s a well-known model and he’s still swimming, in the Olympics even!! Why would he want to return to a mediocre life with me? We didn’t really do much and there was nothing in common between us except for swimming—and I’ve stopped swimming since I went to college, seeing as I wasn’t really a passion of mine—so what in the world is going on in his head????

And with that internal conflict going on in Makoto’s head that lasted for about two seconds, he took a deep breath and (tried to) calmly responded to Haruka’s suggestion.

\--

“U-um….Haru…..I don’t think that’s the great idea….”

“Why not?”

“B-because we’re both busy right? And this is kind of a bachelor’s pad so there really isn’t room for two.”

“That was never a problem when I slept over in the past.”

“But that was sleeping over this is living together. Quite different.”

“Not really, I mean I practically stayed over for days and your family is like my own so—“

“Haru….no.”

“Why not.”

“Because—“

\--

Why doesn’t he want to live together? I don’t really see a problem I mean we’ve practically been living together since before I could even remember—did those eight years really build this much of a gap????

Well I mean, we could just go back to the way we used to be, right? Not that big of a deal. And besides, like this I’ll be closer to him again and I’ll be able to find out everything about Makoto. Discovering him again….that sounds like a plan….

But why Is he so reluctant? Am I really that bad at cohabitation? I cook and clean since I’ve been alone ever since my parents moved away but I mean—I know I’m a difficult person but hasn’t he always coped with that? Damn it, Makoto—if you’d just give me a valid reason—

And yet another two second journey commenced, now in the mind of Haruka. If they could just solve the “”””problem”””””, which isn’t really much of a big deal except for Haruka’s subtle ulterior motive, they’d be back to “normal” in a flash. With his mind set, Haruka’s pestering on living together continues.

\--

“’Because’ isn’t a valid reason, Makoto.”

“I know that but….”

“But?”

“I just don’t see how living together would solve anything. And I don’t see it working out either.”

“It would solve everything. And it would work out, I promise.”

“Haru, I don’t think promises can be made in this kind of situation—“

“Why not?”

“Because—“

“Stop with the excuses and just tell me—do you want to live with me or not?”

“No…”

“…………Fine.” And with that barely passing tone of finality, Haruka stood up and left. Makoto could only watch him go and sigh a sigh of relief when the door closed. That was like a sudden overdose of Haruka after being gone from his life for too long. He forgot how thick-skinned and hard-headed he could be and just how bad he wanted him back in his life. But this wasn’t going to solve anything, at least this rash behavior anyway. Makoto picked up his phone and quickly typed up an SOS message to the person he knows his best friend has been spending time with the most these past eight years and prays to all gods that he’d help.

\--

Disheartened at his ‘best friend’s refusal of his suggestion, Haruka ran (not really but his pace was fast enough? Brisk walking, I suppose) to the other most reliable person he knows—that isn’t Nagisa because he’d probably get laughed at if ever—Rin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ho ho ho next up will be Rin and his barely in-depth life analysis-- sorry for the crap and idk the lack of decent story telling??? and idk my side comments--


	10. Rum On Rocks Saves The Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be a long night for Rin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I decided to pick this up again because Free Eternal Summer ended up becoming Free Eternal Sadness for me and wow feelings--
> 
> also because I never meant to leave this alone for that long honestly I was in a slump and I'm trying to get back into writing ok please forgive (and english is not my native tongue so please point out any mistakes I've made seeing as this is unedited)

“Okay, Gou. I’ll make sure I’ll go back next week.” Rin sighed, unsure of how to go through with his promise to his little sister. He loved her, yeah, but sometimes she was just a huge pain in the ass he couldn’t help but feel drained after talking to her— and that was just on the phone.

 

Plopping down on his sofa and turning on the television whilst praising every god there was for his well-deserved day off, his phone started ringing again. For some reason, this sent a chill down his spine— he never wanted to not answer a phone call that bad since his try-out for the national team. He quickly put the remote control down and reached for his phone on the living room table, groaning since his want to not move from his current position and the chills that was just sent down his spine told his gut not to pick it up clashed with his mentality to always pick up the phone _no matter what._ After his phase filled with teenage angst, his sister had told him off so many times about picking up his phone and answering calls and texts, and now that she had ingrained that habit in her older brother, the caller should be worshipping at her feet right now.

 

“Hello?” He tried to sound less moody, but it was his day off and he just got off the phone with his favourite pain in the ass.

 

“Ah— RIN!” The sudden shout made Rin wince, his eardrums were not ready (nor will they ever be) for that sudden shrill voice. “I’m so glad you picked up.” The tone of relief the caller had made him mentally kick himself for one, not checking who the caller was and two, sounding like a bitch when he picked up.

 

“Makoto…..?” _Why would he be calling m— oh fuck no, Haru couldn’t have messed up that bad…._ A flurry of misdeeds Haru could’ve pulled off in such a short amount of time wracked his mind and now he was starting to worry. “What happened, why are you calling?”

 

It seems his worry was evident in his tone of voice when he answered because Makoto immediately spouted “Oh no, don’t worry! Nothing bad happened!” after his query, although he knew something had to be up for him to call.

 

“So what happened?” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he furrowed his brows, unsure if he sounded more calm or more worried.

 

“Haru just…” A sigh. _I knew it_ , he thought, groaning as he got up from his comfortable position in the sofa and made his way to the kitchen where he could fetch some rum. _This is going to be a long night._

 

“What’d he do now?”

 

—

 

Makoto was scared to continue, he didn’t want to bother his friend any longer. They haven’t been all that close in the first place and after his disappearance eight years ago, he didn’t know if he even had the right to call Rin his friend.

 

Contrary to popular belief, Makoto had low self-esteem when it came to these things, especially when it concerned anything related to Iwatobi. He basically abandoned everything he cared about there, except for his family of course, and went on to have a new life in the city without a care for those he left behind. He just wanted to be his own self for once, be happy and content with his way of life instead of chasing other people’s dreams thinking they’re his own. It took a lot of courage to separate from Haru and the others, but he did and looking back, he doesn’t regret it at all.

 

“He…” Hesitation. _No, you can’t hesitate anymore._ “He asked to move in with me to make things right.” Because even though he left, he still cared for Haru. They’ve spent more than half of their lives together thinking there was no other person who could understand them and lived in their world, but the world is bigger than they thought and both of them have to face it whether they want to or not. “I don’t want him to.”

 

—

 

 _Oh my god, he’s more of an idiot than I thought_. Rin couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Honestly, he thought things would work out because he knew they were like soul mates or something of the like but apparently Haru still hasn’t come to terms with _why_ Makoto left and the reality that he has a new life _without_ him in it.

 

“I wouldn’t want to live with Haru either.” He sighed, pouring his first round of rum on rocks. This was giving him a headache and he didn’t even know the details yet. “What did you say?”

 

“I told him no and he asked why and I couldn’t answer him.”

 

“Why don’t you?” He asked, hesitating. It’s probably a touchy subject, and he pretty much could guess why Makoto wouldn’t want to suddenly live with Haru right as they’ve came into contact again after eight years.

 

“Isn’t it too fast?” Makoto replied, sounding panicked and unsure.

 

“It is, it is. Don’t worry, you did the right thing.” Rin tried to calm him down, assuring him that he did the right thing. He could hear shuffling noises from the other end— Makoto’s probably pacing around the room at that moment. “What’d Haru do then?”

 

“He left.”

 

_Ding dong._

 

“Oh holy shit.” The doorbell ringing right as Makoto had told him Haru was gone made his gut twist in ways he wasn’t sure was possible. This was bad and he knew it. “Makoto, I’ll call back.” He said, abruptly ending his supposed pep talk with his old friend.

 

Gulping down the remnants of his third round of rum on rocks, he hurried to the door as he shoved his phone in his pocket. _Knew it_ , he thought as he opened the door.

 

“Hey, Haru.”

 

This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short update I'm sorry but can I just point out how much of a psychic I am like whAT THE MAKOHARU FIGHT SHIT I DID NOT EXPECT YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND i was in my friend's dorm and there was this cute korean in front of me and jUST WHEN HE DECIDED TO LIKE COME BACK AFTER GOING TO HIS ROOM THE FIGHT HAPPENED AND I STARTED CRYING oh god i feel like i'm banned from her dorm now.
> 
> but yes college is on hold right now because sembreak so huzah more time to write. I hope I did their characters justice!! I ship Makoto and his happiness ok thank.


	11. Fix This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin just wanted to rest, but he had to have two friends who were hopeless when it came to actual confrontation and he just wanted to get things over with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter yay! i hope you like it!
> 
> unedited and i haven't proof read it bc i'm writing two things rn and im crying but huhu i hope y'all like it ;;
> 
> english is not my native language please don't kill me
> 
> happy reading!

“Hey, Haru.” Rin sighed, massaging his temples as he let his friend in. Of course he was going to get dragged into this, it was inevitable. “So why’d you come over?” The answer was obvious but he can’t have Haru finding out he’d just gotten off the phone with Makoto, and he agrees with his decision.

 

“Makoto changed.” Amidst the internal conflict between just kicking Haru out and letting them deal with it and helping the both of them since yes, they were still friends and it's’s what friends do, his internal monologue got mixed up. What was supposed to be _Oh well obviously, I mean it has been 8 years_ became “Of course, stupid. D’ya think people don’t change?” He tried to be an understanding friend, but the universe wouldn’t let him and now he’s stuck being the douche-y but caring friend to this day. Haru grunted in response, because of course he knew people change but Rin didn’t have to blurt it out in such a manner.

 

Groaning, Rin tried to soothe Haru and once again tried to be the nice guy. Making sure what came out of his mouth was what he _wanted_ to come out of his mouth, he pat Haru’s shoulder and gestured for him to sit down on the couch after realising they were still by the entryway. “So tell me what happened?” He asked, more cautious this time so as to not tick Haru off.

 

“Makoto didn’t want to live with me and he’s being stupid.” Haru explained, and Rin was thankful Makoto had explained the situation over the phone because he knew that was all he was going to get from Haru. “Why don’t you think he doesn’t want to live with you?” He asked, unsure if he got the good guy role down or if he was creeping Haru out by being overly nice and sensitive all of a sudden. It was mostly the latter seeing as Haru scooted to the other end of the sofa when he’d asked, though Haru had responded and it was all he needed right now. “I don’t know, but I know he doesn’t want to. I don’t see why not.” 

 

 _Oh god, I don’t know how Makoto deals with him._ A sigh escaped his lips before Rin stood up to get another round of rum, asking Haru if he wanted any and the other shaking his head in response. “Did you ever think,” he debated on whether or not he should end the sentence there, but decided against making Haru any more distressed and pissed off than he is now so he continued, “that Makoto has his own shit to deal with and he needs to get those sorted out before he bothers with you again? You kinda barged into his life all of a sudden after 8 years of no contact.”

 

“That’s not my fault.” Haru argued, huffing as he decided to lie down on the sofa and make Rin continue the conversation from the dining room table, which wasn’t hard since it was basically just beside his living room which was an open area. “But it’s not Makoto’s either.” Rin countered, earning another huff from his friend.

 

“Look, why don’t you at least _try_ to adjust to his schedule rather than make him adjust to yours? He’s been doing that for more than half his life already, don’t you think he deserves a break?” Haru couldn’t say anything. He knew it was true, Makoto deserved to be happy too. And if he was happy now, who was he to intervene? “Start slow, Haru. Think of it as though you’ve just met, take it easy. He isn’t the same Makoto as the one you knew before.” Rin continued, pouring what he thinks was his sixth round but he stopped counting after the third and he quite frankly doesn’t even care.

 

 _That’s true, too._ Haru thought, bringing his arm up to shield his eyes from both the light and Rin’s judgemental stare. He was at a loss as to what to do, but what Rin had suggested made perfect sense and he’d rather try something new out than to give up and cut all ties with Makoto now. “I’m staying the night.” Haru stated, turning over. Rin took it as a signal he could finally rest and give the damn rum a break. It was only 10 pm and Rin’s well deserved day off became a day centred around his two friends so he decided at least he’d sleep early and sleep in. “Night, Haru.” He said, turning off the lights before completely disappearing into his room. Quickly typing up a message to Makoto which read ‘ _Convinced Haru to not move in with you, I think. Talk tomorrow. I’m not as free as everyone thinks.’_ He tried not to sound too snarky, but it was Makoto and the guy was far too nice to take his attitude to heart after all they’ve been through. After receiving a text back from his former teammate saying thanks, he turned in for the night and prayed they’d sort this out in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i write short for this fic and im sorry its taking so long for any actual confrontation i promise i'll get to that next chapter cRIES
> 
> hope you liked it! any comments/suggestions feel free to say so below or (OR!!!) message me on [tumblr](http://shotaspawn.tumblr.com/) about what you think!


	12. Just a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka finally plans on sorting out his life, but not without putting Makoto back where he belongs: his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long! I've been so busy this week cRIES.
> 
> Just to clear things up:  
> 1) I followed how I know teachers get hired in Highschool, probably. My mistake. But let's just pretend that Makoto already graduated and took his masters directly after graduating before beginning teaching. Aka he's in his first year in teaching, starting up his second when Haruka came back into his life.  
> 2) I have no idea what I'm doing help me  
> 3) I'm free for any prompts or ideas as to how I can continue this fic or start another! Trying to get back into writing, you see. Just message me on [tumblr](shotaspawn.tumblr.com)!  
> 4) It's 12 am and I am trash I'm sorry I haven't proofread this  
> 5) English is not my native tongue so I apologise for any mistakes ha haha haha ha ha.  
> 6) ALSO ALSO Haruka is a bit OOC here because I wanted him to be more vocal about things rather than those short sentences and glances he gives and I know that's cuter and more romantic but wORDS ARE IMPORTANT YES ok
> 
> Enjoy!!

The next day Haruka decided he needed to sort things out. Common sense finally hit him and now that he knows what to do— not make Makoto angry or sad or anything besides happy (and together with him)— he quickly got his things from Rin’s sofa (aka his phone that fell out of his pants pocket and his discarded jacket he used as his blanket), said goodbye, and ran to his own apartment to fix himself before going to visit Makoto at school.

 

After taking a shower, _a shower_ : that’s how much he wanted to see Makoto, and quickly putting on some of the clothes his modelling agency made him take with him so that he won’t be wearing polo shirts all the damn time, he checked himself in the mirror before leaving his apartment. Maroon skinny jeans that make his ass look perfect, _check._ Black button down matched with a white tie, _check_. White vans that he has yet to return to Rin, _check_. So far so good. Checking his pockets, wallet, keys, and phone inside each of them, he dashed out of his apartment quickly locking it from the inside before shutting the door. It was time to finally properly talk to Makoto without all the blood rushing to his head because _damn, he looked as perfect as always_. Eight long years, you think a person would change, and albeit Makoto did, everything was for the better. He was slightly taller, eyes still as bright as ever, wearing glasses more often (which made Haru’s heart melt a bit), and his smile outshone the Sun as always. He was glad that he found him again, glad that they were reunited, remorseful that he took this long, but ecstatic at the fact that Makoto didn’t reject him (at least not outright).

 

Twenty minutes later, Haruka was in front of Tokyo University once more, gaining the attention of more people as he stood there for about five to ten minutes (maybe an hour) that felt like eternity. This was happening. _This is happening._ “No backing out now….” he mumbled, ignoring the glances of the crowd and the sudden flash photography happening around him. His goal is Makoto and that’s all he can see right now. Looking for the faculty room was no easy task, however, seeing as the campus was _huge_ and it’s only the second time he’s been. It roughly took him another twenty to thirty minutes to finally arrive outside the door of the Language and Literature department’s faculty room. A lot of photos were taken, maybe even a few videos of him being lost, but nevertheless he was here and he wasn’t about to chicken out— his feet hurt like hell and this has been the most he’s walked outside with so much gusto in years.

 

“Is Tachibana Makoto present?” He (tried) to shout (a little bit) as he opened the sliding door, the slam garnering more attention than his query. Most of the staff had looked at him, and he had looked at them back as he scanned the room for a familiar head of milk chocolate coloured hair tousled in ways he didn’t know could be possible without effort in actually making that much of a mess with it. A colleague of Makoto’s, he guessed since they were in the same faculty room and Makoto’s friendly to everyone, spoke up. “He should be returning in a few minutes. Who may I— _Oh my God._ ” She tried to be coherent for a moment before turning into a tomato faced bumbling mess. The woman was wearing a white blazer over a purple blouse matched with a white pencil skirt. Her hair was perfectly swept to the side and had traces of highlights. “I— I’m sure he’ll be here in around five minutes or so. W-would you like to sit down at his table to wait for him?” She asked, face still flushed and gesturing towards Makoto’s desk. “I—I’m Miharu by the way, I’m j-just saying I mean you don’t have to remember it or anything I—“ and noticing how much she’s embarrassing herself, Miharu promptly stopped talking and simply pat the back of Makoto’s chair to gesture for him to sit down. And he did.

 

It took about ten minutes for Makoto to get back, eyes wide as he noticed his (maybe former) best friend sitting at his desk doodling on his yellow pad. “Haru!” He exclaimed, mostly in shock rather than glee. “Yes!” A voice answered, sounding as shocked as he. The girl he was talking to stood up, looking confused and partly guilty. _Maybe he didn’t want_ anyone _to sit at his desk, or maybe I didn’t give Mr. Nanase enough tea?_ “What is it?” She asked, tilting her head as she adjusted her blazer and pat down her now wrinkled skirt. Haruka looked as confused as she, not expecting anyone but him to answer. “Oh no, not you! I meant Haruka.” He cooed, walking over to his desk and patting his friend on the shoulder. “Sorry, Haru.”

 

Makoto quickly gestured for them to talk outside, glancing towards the door as he noticed Haruka’s irritable mood. As soon as they got out, Makoto let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “What are you doing here, Haru?” He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he furrowed his brows, walking towards the cafeteria.

 

“Who was she?” He replied, ignoring his previous query.

 

“A colleague. Now why are you here?” Makoto replied, giving him an assuring glance as he waved his hand nonchalantly.

 

Relieved, Haruka finally decided to speak up, just in time for them to reach the cafeteria. “I wanted to talk. About yesterday.” He answered, looking down and somewhat ashamed. He knew what he had suggested the day prior was stupid, but he was desperate and lonely and eight years was just _too long_. “I also wanted to say sorry.”

 

This had been the first time Makoto had heard Haruka talk in so long, eight years had been a long time and he never realised how much he actually missed his voice and his little quirks his heart ached in remorse. The way Haruka looks down in shame or embarrassment, his small smiles that he always tries to hide, the way his eyes shift when he doesn’t like something, it had all been so endearing to him the past half of his life and now it was doubled, tripled, quadrupled, and he just wanted to hug him right there and then and tell him everything’s okay, because everything is. It looks like Haruka got the message, though, since when he glanced at him and smiled the other’s eyes grew wide before looking down at his shoes once more.

 

— — —

 

Makoto had ordered a cup of mocha frappuchino and got Haruka some café au lait before leading him outside to talk once more. A crowded cafeteria exploding with life wasn’t really the place to have such a serious conversation. Some passing students glanced at them, though they knew better than to squeal and take photos judging from the atmosphere. They couldn’t be that stupid, they were attending one of the big league schools.

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Haru.” Makoto started, looking at his friend’s restless form.

 

“But I said something stupid and I was being stupid and—“ A sigh. He didn’t know where to start and now he was just gripping his cup with so much strength he thought everything would spill. Thankfully he didn’t and no mess was added to his life. “I’m sorry.”

 

It was a first for Makoto to hear Haruka say such things. It was quite funny, actually, since Haru says and does stupid things all the time, but it’s been a while and he didn’t mind, he never did. “It’s fine, Haru. But I really can’t—“

 

“I know.” Cutting Makoto off, he reached to grab the other’s hand, swiping the back of it with his thumb. “I just— can we at least agree to meet once in a while? And maybe even visit Iwatobi?” He suggested, taking his hand back and shifting his eyes. He didn’t know where to look but he knew he didn’t want to see Makoto’s face when he outright rejects him like he thinks he would, in the nicest way possible, and let Makoto see sadness in his eyes which would end up burdening him all the more. He was prepared for rejection. Prepared to be shooed off and plaster a fake smile on his face, or at least a poker face that didn’t scream sadness. What he didn’t expect was for the other to fish out his phone and check his schedule, chuckling a bit as he slid his phone over to his side.

 

“I’m free two weeks from now. A week off. Paid, even. Wanna go back then? I’ve been meaning to in a while anyway.” He suggests, much to his own surprise. Fishing out his own phone, to at least _pretend_ he actually cares for his schedule and seem less desperate for attention than he already is, he nodded with more enthusiasm than he’d wanted to show, and smiled for the first time in forever.

 

“I’m good then. Schedule’s clear.” _A lie._ He had four photoshoots he had to cancel and three training sessions he had to miss. But that’s fine, he was going to be with Makoto and that’s all that matters. Makoto mumbled a ‘ _Liar_ ’, but didn’t push the issue. “But just so we’re clear, the girl you call Haru too…..” He trailed off, ashamed to even be asking this again.

 

“She’s just a friend, Haru.” Makoto replied, eliciting laughter from the other man. “I promise.” He added, making the skies seem darker at noon and blinding him with the smile he’d shown him. Oh how he missed that smile.

 

“Okay, if you say so.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> numbers are a great that was so neat and organised. anyway, comments and suggestions (and kudos ha haha ha) are welcome! thank you so much for all the love ; u ; sorry I kinda went MIA for almost a year ha haha ha huhu love y'all~*~*~*~


	13. Deep thoughts and Mackerel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were back in Iwatobi and Haruka's infatuation with Mackerel hasn't changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm trying to finish this within the next few chapters since I'm probably spoiling the story and making it longer than it should be cries  
> 2) I could probably go back and edit the other chapters bc some of them can be merged into one but nah ((too lazy))  
> 3) Tried to make Haruka more in character after his dialogue in the previous chapter-- hope it worked HUHU  
> 4) It's 1:30 AM and I haven't proofread this ((mbe i should start proofreading this and the previous chapters but like....))  
> 5) I'm a lazy pc of shite and english is not my native tongue so I apologise for any mistakes  
> 6) honestly surprised i'm still getting readers after a year hiatus i'm so sorry about that btw omg
> 
> Enjoy!

For the past week Makoto and Haruka have been having dinner together. Oftentimes they’d find themselves out and about, looking for a nice, fairly priced restaurant to eat at but end up in either one of their apartments with take out. It was Saturday and Haruka was (silently) freaking out, pupils dilated and all. He hadn’t properly cleared out his schedule for their trip to Iwatobi next week and he’s pretty sure he’ll be out of jobs and a place in the team if he keeps on missing practice and photoshoots like this.

 

So now he’s fiddling with his phone, schedule on the table, trying to clear things out. _Photoshoot on Wednesday successfully moved to Tuesday next week. Training regime doubled on Wednesday. CM shoot on Friday moved to Monday._ “I hate myself sometimes.” He mumbles, letting out a deep sigh. Honestly, he thought he wouldn’t procrastinate this time, seeing as he’s really putting so much effort into getting Makoto back in his life and he was actually _enjoying_ himself he’d forgotten anything else. He didn’t even realise his schedule was so packed since working and training only made time pass by quicker as he waited for the clock to strike 8PM and have dinner with Makoto.

 

A sigh of relief escaped Haruka’s lips as he leaned back onto the sofa, throwing his phone aside and calming down. “Finally,” he said, putting an arm over his tired eyes, “I’m done.”

 

— — — 

 

They had no itinerary whatsoever and simply decided to wing everything. The only set things were for them to call ahead, pack enough clothes for a week, and meet at the station at 10AM. And it was already half past when Haruka arrived, waking up late and sending himself into a flurry of panic— which only made him all the more late. “I’m sorry!” He shouted, seeing Makoto by the ticketing machines waiting for him. He didn’t think seeing Makoto in casual clothes would do things to him, especially when eight years ago he never imagined the man in a suit. Add that to the fact that he was wearing glasses and Haruka was a few shades redder than he’d wanted when he approached his friend.

 

“I woke up late and—“ He tries to explain, catching his breath. “— I panicked and—“

 

“Haru, it’s fine.” Makoto assured him, smiling as he reached to pat his shoulder. “Let’s go?” He said, gesturing towards the station stairs. “I bought your ticket, no need to pay me.” He explains, handing it to Haruka.

 

“But—“

 

“It’s fine. Now let’s go.”

 

— — — 

 

Iwatobi hasn’t changed much. Everything was still it was, but eight years did make a difference. The grandma that Makoto always used to greet in the morning wasn’t with them anymore. The cats the two of them had taken care of had their own kittens. Ren and Ran were almost as tall as Nagisa (from what they remember), and Haruka’s house was creakier than before.

 

Makoto had decided he shouldn’t bother his parents with the housing, since the twins were big enough to have their own room so his was donated to Ran, and it was far too much of a hassle to shove two teenagers in a small room meant for one. So he and Haruka had decided they were to spend their week living together in his grandmother’s house. Haruka’s wish got granted, even if it was only for a week, which was his original proposition anyway. They’d test things out, of course, but this was a holiday and it was pretty much the same thing as sharing a hotel room so Makoto probably thought nothing of it.

 

They had called Nagisa and Rei, who are currently in Sapporo for work and are surprisingly still together (though it is Nagisa so they never really doubted he’d latch himself onto Rei), and planned a reunion on Friday, the day before they go back. “We’ll be special because we’ll see you two the last!” Nagisa explained, his excited tone piercing Haruka’s ears and probably cleaned it of its dirt due to his shrill voice. Nagisa hasn’t changed much, either. He could hear Rei nag in the background, asking him to quiet down, but that went unnoticed and unfollowed, as usual. 

 

Now, they were done cleaning and unpacking for the time being and it was only 3PM. The two of them had no concrete plans yet, Rin being unable to come because he was busy and doesn’t have a _drop everything and leave_ mentality like Haruka. Gou was supposed to take them to the new shopping centre that just opened last year, but she won’t be free until Wednesday. 

 

“Shopping?” Haruka muttered, peeking into Makoto’s room (their guest bedroom that was never really used until now).

 

“Grocery?” Makoto clarified, patting his just emptied suit case and tilting his head to the side ever so slightly in faux confusion (because he always knew what Haruka meant, and that didn’t change after eight years).

 

Haruka nodded in reply, waiting for the other to get up and follow him out, which Makoto did. “Mackerel?” He says, stating rather than questioning. Another nod. “Vegetables or nah?” He asked, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as they started walking side by side to the store. Haruka looked at him questioningly, confused as to whether or not it was a trick question, because either way would work and they and five days. Makoto only laughed in response to his glance, pushing up his glasses with his middle finger. “Got it.”

 

It was their normal again, undisturbed whilst surrounded by comfortable silence 70% of the time, because Haruka used all his words back when he had confronted Makoto. But he knew he couldn’t stay silent again, not while he still has a universe more to unload from his shoulders, and an ocean of feelings to word out inside of him. His inability to properly voice out his feelings led to their separation, he knew that, he couldn’t assure Makoto enough and he couldn’t make him stay. But now he was adamant in doing so and their comfortable silence won’t last long if he didn’t properly clear things up.

 

But he doesn’t want to disturb their peace now. Not now. Not today. Today, he was going to bask in the glory of Makoto’s company all to himself while he still can. They were going to visit the Tachibana household tomorrow morning to catch up and have dinner with his family when Ran and Ren get home from school. So today, he was going to be selfish— as if he wasn’t already before— and have Makoto all to himself, no troublesome feelings and memories attached.

 

Today Haruka decided he was happy again, for the first time in eight years. And today, he decided that he was going to continue being as happy, maybe even happier, when he sorts things out, which has to be before they go back to Tokyo on Saturday.

 

“Haru, just how many pieces of Mackerel are you going to buy?” Makoto’s voice had pulled him out of his thoughts, realising his basket was full of nothing but the fish. He huffed in frustration, more towards himself than anything, and put some back.

 

“I was buying for the whole week.” He tried to reason, blushing ever so slightly as he walked towards the vegetable section, his cheeks growing hotter as he heard Makoto’s chuckle behind him as the other followed suit.

 

“If you say so.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh i'm trying to work how I should end this so ahhhhhh
> 
> hope you like it!
> 
> comments/kudos/suggestions/feedback (idk man) are always welcome and appreciated and it warms my heart to hear from y'all and cries i love you


	14. It was a good day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto has Rin run an errand for him and now our favourite shark boy was faced with a smug student who didn't look like a student.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what kind of summary is that.
> 
> also just a little break from Makoharu, i decided to write a Sourin chapter since i did tag it as such and will probably write about these two more in another fic but that's just a big fat maybe. I was in the sourin tag and cried and yeah idk tbh
> 
> planning to wrap this up since this went on for far longer than I had hoped (though I might just edit the chapters and merge them if I'm not lazy and a complete shit)
> 
> confrontational!haruka and fluff to come ahead. i have this planned out already and i hope y'all will like it.
> 
> happy reading!

Rin honestly didn’t understand why he has put up with Haruka for so long. Yes, they’ve been friends for years, but as much as he’s tried to correct the man’s poor attitude towards other people outside their group it just never happened. And why and how he’s able to tolerate picking up after his friend will forever remain a mystery.

 

And now he has to cover up for _two_ people, which only made his hectic schedule even worse. He wasn’t as popular as Haruka, but he was still a known swimmer-model; he’s won just as much medals as Haruka and walking around without a sufficient disguise would be inflicting self-torture. He was never one to like cameras and how he even thought of entering the business he never knew.

 

Makoto forgot to properly take care of graded test papers (Haruka wasn’t the only one who was looking forward to the vacation) and worried it’d be lost by next week, so he had called in a favour from Rin which he had to reluctantly agree to since the man had done so much for him in the past even if he never really indulged in the other’s methods of spoiling his friends. So now he was on his way to Tokyo University hoping he’d find the papers as soon as he can and get out of there before anyone notices him.

 

———

 

La Fortuna never seems to side with Rin, instantly getting recognised as he steps into the Literature building. A group of students (male and female) started either taking photos or texting their friends, some of which had the audacity to do both. _Guess shades and a cap don’t really work much for a disguise_ , he mused, taking said “disguise” off and walking away from the group nonchalantly. 

 

The most cliché thing that could ever happen to him happened as soon as he caught sight of the teacher’s lounge, looking down and reaching to open the door only to be greeted by a sudden muscled chest to his face. “Ow—“ he muttered, rubbing his forehead before looking up at the perpetrator of this heinous crime (his face was one of his assets, he had to admit that, and _damn_ the guy was well built). “Watch where you’re going!” He exclaimed, snarling as he looked up. The man was taller than him by a few inches (but enough for there to be a noticeable difference in their height; obviously since he bumped into the other’s chest) and had teal coloured eyes that he would just _love_ to drown in. “I could say the same to you.” The man responded, moving to the side to let Rin inside.

 

“Watch your tone.” He snarled, blushing a bit as he caught himself staring for far too long and masking his embarrassment with overwhelming pride.

 

“Oh? Why? Are you important?” The other man responded, tone mocking.

 

“Very.” Rin replied, trying not to give in to the taunt but ultimately failing, trying to stare him down despite the height difference.

 

“You don’t look like it though.” The unknown man smirked, _the audacity_ , Rin thought, replying with a scoff.

 

“Whatever. Anyway, where can I find Makoto Tachibana’s desk?” He asked, opting to drop the conversation rather than embarrass himself any further, since snarky comebacks weren’t his thing anymore (eight years with Haruka’s sassy ass can do things to you). 

 

The stranger quirked a brow, looking him over before opening his mouth to talk, but interrupted by another unknown woman, blushing profusely as she stumbled over. “R-r-r-r-r-in Matsuoka! Y-yes! His desk is r-right there!” She answered, pointing towards the middle desk.

 

“Woah there,” the man stepped in, stopping Rin from approaching the table. “What business do you have with Makoto Tachibana?”

 

“My business with him isn’t yours, move aside.” Rin was _so so so very close_ to snapping, pushing the other lightly to make him move. That gesture was apparently ignored as the other grabbed his wrist and asked again.

 

“I’m his teaching assistant, his business is mine as well. Answer the question.”

 

The revelation made Rin’s eyes widen, clicking his tongue before grabbing his phone from his pocket, having a hard time actually getting to Makoto’s number since his dominant hand was still being held captive by the stranger. He quickly dialled Makoto’s number and it didn’t take long before the other picked up.

 

“Hel—“

 

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD AN ASSISTANT?!” He shouted, shocking both the unknown man and woman. It was a good thing it was only them in the room, else he probably would’ve been escorted out already. ‘Damn it, Makoto, you could’ve asked him y’know.” He sighed, tone apologetic since his prior actions were honestly uncalled for.

 

“Yeah, I could’ve, but Sousuke’s still a student and I can’t have him handling graded test papers now could I?” Makoto explained, looking at Haru and smiling at him. They were at the market, buying mackerel for today’s dinner, and Haruka nodded and went back to bartering for his favourite fish. Sometimes he thanked every god in existence for them being able to read each others’ minds, it was quite handy at times like these.

 

“ _He’s a student?!_ ” Rin exclaimed, though this was more breathy and less shouty, looking up at the unknown man— Sousuke, he noted— in disbelief. How could a man this well built and tall and unnervingly handsome (and maybe even arousing, but Rin would never mention that to anyone, _ever_ ) be a student?! “He sure as hell got me fooled.” He sighed, pulling away as soon as the other’s grip on his wrist loosened and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Alright, sorry for abruptly calling. Have fun with Haru, Makoto.” He said, ending the call.

 

Before the other could grab a hold of him once more, he brisk walked nonchalantly towards Makoto’s table, finding the brown envelope with a flower on the top right (Makoto had a weird way of organising his belongings and labelling them) and putting it into his backpack as quickly as possible. “Ok then.” He muttered, mentally checking off his to do list and smiling a bit at the realisation. _Done._

 

“Hang on a minute.” The stra—Sousuke spoke up. “What did you just take and who the hell are you? How do you know Mr. Tachibana?” He said, crossing his arms and raising his brows.

 

“Rin Matsuoka, his childhood friend. I came to do your teacher a favour.” He replied, waving his hand dismissively.

 

“What did you get from his table?”

 

“Confidential information, sorry mate.”

 

And with that, Rin walked away, but not before giving the man another glance over and smirking to himself. “See you, Sousuke.” His tone was borderline flirty and the fact that he said _see you_ meant he wanted to see him again.

 

 _Crushing on a student. This is great. I love life_. Rin thought, sighing as he went out of the room only to be greeted with camera flashes and squealing girls.

 

Sousuke, feeling his distress from a mile away, came up behind Rin and glared at the students taking photos, shoo-ing them away. “Felt bad for you.” He sing-songed, smirking.

 

“Thanks.” Well, Rin wasn’t the best and most agreeable person, but he wasn’t rude and ungrateful.

 

“No problem. See you, Rin.” The student said, checking him out and it looked like he liked what he saw, noting that he spent more time glancing at his ass than anything else.

 

“Face is up here, darlin’.” He started, smirking as he gestured to his face. “Though I’m glad you like what you see.”

 

“Well at least you’re not the only one who liked what he saw, right?” The other smirked along with him, and Rin knew he wasn’t the most subtle person but he had hoped the other didn’t notice he was checking him out earlier. Too bad he did, but _hey, a man who’s confident about his body is highly appreciated in my book_.

 

Rin didn’t bother answering, only smirking along with the other before realising he had other things to take care of. “Oh shit.” He muttered, checking his watch before slightly panicking. He was going to be late if he dawdled and flirted with this student any further. But Rin wasn’t one to leave things as is, and he was an unpredictable shit, too. Pulling at the man’s collar and dragging him down, he quickly whispered his email in his ear and nipped his piercing. “Hope your memory is amazing.” He taunted before abruptly leaving the other.

 

The student didn’t look fazed at all, having the audacity to pull of a smug look as he watched Rin leave. “Lucky for you, I do.” He muttered, one hand massaging his ear and the other fishing out his phone from his pocket and quickly typing down the whispered email address. 

 

———

 

it was eight at night by the time Rin had the opportunity to check his phone again, crashing on his bed as soon as he got home. There was one text message from an unknown sender, piquing his interest. _Did he remember?_ He thought, opening the message and smiling. **I remembered.** The text read, making Rin’s night and quite possibly the rest of his life, but that’s another story.

 

He texted back, congratulating the boy and saving his contact before texting Makoto he had done what was asked of him and falling asleep.

 

It had been a good day, despite everything, and Rin was overwhelmed with how thankful he was for today. “Good night.” He muttered, falling asleep as he read Sousuke’s text, telling him he has amazing memory and wishing him a good night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am trash goodbYE IM SORRY IF EVER IDK HUHU i hope you enjoyed!!!


	15. Oh shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka's explanation and Makoto's realisation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> even I don't know what happened to me the past month or so oh god i'm so sorry. I'll wrap things up (finally omfg) and hopefully you'll like it!! sorry if it's incredibly out of character.
> 
> WORDS ARE IMPORTANT!!! DON'T ASSUME!!! MISUNDERSTANDINGS ARE THE WORST EVER AND MAKE SURE THERE'S BARELY ANY OF THAT IN YOUR LIFE!!! IT'S UNHEALTHY!!!
> 
> I needed to make them talk things out and well, haruka glancing and pouting in the sidelines won't be much of a story (plus i can't write like that oh god ahaha haha i talk too much) so i do hope it's fine with y'all!
> 
> thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy!  
> this was not proofread i'm sorry
> 
> ++ EXTRA NOTE: I tried editing the other chapters (but then got lazy at chapter four) and that's why the chapter count changed xoxo ++

It was Friday. Their vacation was about to end, and Haruka wouldn’t let it end without talking. Yes, they’ve talked a lot over the past few days, got caught up in whatever the other was doing, but the most important topic of conversation never came up since returning to Iwatobi.

 

They’re having salmon for dinner, surprisingly, and Makoto’s just about finished with his meal when Haruka nudged him under the table. Their legs were long and the small table barely had enough space for them both now that they’ve both grown, so any slight movement would garner the other’s attention. 

 

Makoto tilted his head and made a soft humming noise in response, looking at Haruka with his brows furrowed.

 

“We need to talk.” Haruka stated.

 

“Over dinner or after?” Makoto asked, knowing full well this was coming.

 

“After.” Haruka muttered in reply, grabbing his bowl of miso soup and downing it in a gulp.

 

—

 

Dinner was over right after Haruka downed his miso. Cleaning up didn’t take long, especially now that there was two of them and they’re actually pretty efficient (though Makoto’s still banned from cooking). And now they’re sprawled across the living room floor, not saying or doing anything in particular. Their eyes didn’t meet, as Haruka was on his back whilst Makoto was on his stomach. No one wanted to initiate the conversation, still unsure how to deal with their current predicament.

 

“Haru…” Makoto mumbled, nudging the other with his foot. “So…”

 

“I’m sorry.” Haruka interrupted, nudging back. “I’m always so selfish, I know that. I’m sorry. I should’ve been more mature.”

 

Makoto, now wide eyed as he rolled over to stare at his friend with his mouth agape didn’t understand what he was going on about. _Selfish? Well, yeah, you’re pretty selfish, but apologising?!_ He was slightly panicking, this side of Haruka completely unknown to him. It made him giddy, finding out a different side of Haruka, but it also bothered him. He was supposed to be the one who knew him best, and now he was internally panicking because he didn’t understand what was happening with the other.

 

“It’s fine, y’know. I know you don’t want to live together all of a sudden, and it’s completely understandable. I— I just _missed_ you, y’know. I guess I just wanted to be the closest person to you again.” Haruka explained, using up all his energy into making sure his voice doesn’t break. 

 

 _Now_ Makoto was full on panicking. Haruka never opened up to him before, not verbally. Their relationship was never a verbal one; everything was usually written on Haruka’s face and amazingly enough, he was the only one who could decipher these hidden messages. His confusion and panic was evident on his face, and this made Haruka chuckle. _Chuckle._ Haruka barely even smiles, let alone laugh. _Is the world ending?!_

 

“It’s been eight years, and I don’t know anything about you anymore. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. And I didn’t know how to deal with it, is all.” Haruka’s attempt at explaining the situation further only made Makoto’s brows furrow deeper. “I want us to be friends again. I’ve always hesitated calling you my best friend because I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way, and now I don’t even know if we’re friends or just acquaintances. For more than half my life, you’ve been the only constant in it. And then you up and left, didn’t even contact me after. So I guess now that we’re talking again I just needed to clear that up. I was lonely and I guess, bottom line is: I want to be back into your life.” He needed to breathe for a while after that. It’s been a long time since he’s talked this much, probably the most he’s talked in his whole 25 years of existing, but he needed to make sure Makoto didn’t misunderstand him anymore. _Words are important_ , he thought, waiting for Makoto to respond.

 

“Makoto….?” He muttered, nudging the other who was still in evident shock.

 

“Ah— yes.” He replied, quite lamely at that. He still wasn’t over the fact that Haruka had spoken that much. His Haruka wasn’t like that at all. _Hang on a minute, my Haruka?_ He knew. He undoubtedly knew that he was in love with his best friend. But eight years later, one would think their over it by now, especially since in those eight years no contact was made. But apparently life liked proving him wrong. _Ah, shit, I still love him._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are welcome~*~*~*~  
> if you need anything, feel free to message me on tumblr (shotaspawn.tumblr.com) hehe  
> ((aka if ya wanna help me in writing y'know))
> 
> thank y'all and i love you everyone loves you have a wonderful day!!


	16. For Never and Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're already 29 and Makoto never left. Not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot express how sorry I am for taking....the entirety of benjamin button's life to update and finish this in proper words because holy shit i'm trash.
> 
> I don't know if what I've written will be a great ender and if it'll satisfy anyone but I tried so hard I'm so sorry for anything and everything gOSH--
> 
> actual reason I didn't update this: I was so torn up about eternal summer and fell out of the anime fandom temporarily because korean men and tv shows (have i told u im trash bc im trash). I didn't have any inspiration bc I lost all....muse(?!?!?????) in this story but I didn't want to leave it as is especially when I felt so strongly about it in the beginning. So I went back and reread it and started feeling things again and even re-did my mix/playlist because wOW I STILL HAVE FEELINGS and I realised this was my only happy ship (i hate myself yes) so I didn't want to leave it sad and hanging (bc im not that much of a terrible person, contrary to popular belief.) I started writing this up in April and didn't get to it until now wow I'm an amazing person lmao i hate myself but anyway
> 
> so i'll stop explaining myself now and leave y'all to reading! I hope I did this story justice and I promise i'll try harder next time i write and devote myself to the story more cRIES THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING ME AND ALL THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS I LOVE Y'ALL THANKS FOR READING!

Makoto was in awe, having such a realisation only after he’s spent the weekend with him. He was also astonished by the fact that he actually agreed in doing so knowing full well that maybe, just maybe, something might happen. And something did.

Despite how he looks, Haruka has oftentimes found Makoto dumbfounded and spacing out (though he didn’t want to admit it since he had to keep up whatever image he had). Looking at him now, Haruka feels as though they went back to being kids, seeing the pool for the first time, eyes wandering and feeling both elated and terrified. He didn’t think this “little” confession of his would have this much impact, but reading between the lines, maybe this internal turmoil Makoto’s currently experiencing is due to some lingering feelings he has for him. Hopefully.

Eight years. You had eight years, Makoto. He thought to himself, full-blown panic etched onto every fibre of his being. He motioned to stand up, willing himself that he needed to get away from Haruka before anything otherworldly happens and he makes the biggest mistake of his life. Well, next biggest, since leaving Haruka topped that list. “I—I’m j-just gonna—“ He stuttered, finally getting up and crawling to the edge of the room—he’s never been this thankful Haruka lived in a traditional house—sitting at the edge of the engawa and letting his bare feet touch the grass below.

In the past years of radio silence, Makoto had never doubted his entire being as much as he has at that very moment. It was always so different, whenever he was with Haruka. He didn’t need to change himself, no, more like he was more of himself than ever before. He knew he was the safest, the most comfortable around Haruka, and only god knows why he left in the first place—oh wait, he was going on about dependency, he notes—but there was a terrible fear in the pit of his stomach willing him to say no, this isn’t right, make it stop.

Haruka was known for his emotional apathy, detaching himself from the world after he no longer had Makoto in it. Now that he’s back he only wanted everything to go back to the way things were. To make sure that they’d fallen into their special pace once more, and to be each other’s constant. But that was asking for too much, and he knew that. Haruka had realised these feelings of attachment were more than just missing someone and exceeded the normal bounds of friendship. He knew that long ago, when he was still considered a prodigy. He’s probably known for far longer than Makoto, but was too blinded by the idea that it’d never work out to see his feelings returned. The both of them assumed their love was never meant to be and missed the passing glances and the heated stares. Missed how they thought of each other as nebulas and novas and the night sky.

—

Makoto had been staring at the ground for far too long, and had he done so longer, he probably would’ve found Whoville atop a speck of dust on one of the blades of grass. He had gotten his life together, had found himself not lying about how fine he truly was, but now he spiralled back into the 17 year old Makoto who was far too busy crushing on his best friend to give two shits about himself. He had found happiness, but at what cost? And besides, with how he's living right now, is he even truly happy?

If one were to give him a piece of paper and tell him to write the things that make him happy, it wouldn't even exceed five bullet points. Family, Friends, Students, Swimming, Haruka. Because what was Haruka, really? Family? Yes, maybe. But not really. A friend? His best friend? If that were the case, Makoto would've never had the heart to leave him behind and cut all ties with him for eight years. But Makoto never had the heart to do so, anyway, because as he moved to stare at the sky, attempting to count the stars (which only made him think of how Haruka's eyes twinkle—whether he was looking at water, mackerel, and hopefully, if it was possible, even him) he realised he never had it to begin with. When he left, he forgot to pack it with him. To tuck it deep into the recesses of his bags to be left alone and forgotten, until the day where another would give him a reason to wake it from it's deep slumber. But he forgot he never had it to begin with, forgot it wasn't his heart to own. He forgot that his heart lived inside Haruka's chest, and forgot how despite the frequent chanting of this has to stop, it never truly did. He forgot that the only person who could make him feel alive he left behind.

But now he was back, with Makoto's heart in tow, and despite all the warning signals going off in his brain, he knew he had to go back. It was the only way—he never had another option to begin with. His life started with Haruka and it'll end with him, too.

—

It'd been almost an hour and a half since Makoto had gone out, Haruka busying himself with tidying up as he willed himself to not run off after him. It wasn't as though he had left, anyway, the silhouette of his dearly beloved shining through the screen doors that separate the living room and the enagawa. The dishes were clean, the table was polished, and the only thing that kept him going was finding stray fibres from the tatami mats in the living room and either cutting them or smoothing them out. It was absolute torture, he mused, feeling like he was awaiting his impending death. And truth be told, it really was.

Makoto's answer meant more than the world to Haruka--it was a make or break, and he'll be damned if his proposition fails him. He just wanted to be a part of his life again, to at least find the smallest semblance to peace and love in their relationship once more. What he didn't know, however, was that Makoto was frantically searching for the words to let him down easy, to make sure that neither of them would be hurt by his decision. But then again, both of them already were.

—

"Haruka." Makoto whispered, noticing how the other fell asleep on the floor while waiting for him. He honestly didn't think he'd spend a little over three hours outside, looking at the sky and contemplating his life and what he's done so far--how he's built what he's built (relationships, career, routine) and how he's lost what he's lost (Haruka. It's always going to be Haruka).

A soft mewl came as a response, Haruka refusing to get up as he tossed and turned. Contrary to popular belief, Haruka was quite the exhibitionist in bed, and he meant that in the most innocent way possible. The boy often tossed and turned, messing up his covers and was the primary reason why he'd oftentimes wake up on the floor. It was tough, those first few nights where Haruka had slept over. But he got used to things, just like how he got used to Haruka's presence in his life, just like how he got used to Haruka's absence now. He'll get over it, surely, but does he want to? With the overwhelming feeling of dread settling itself and making a home in the pit of Makoto's stomach, he shook the boy once more, hoping to get this over with as fast as he could.

"Haruka, get up."

No response.

"Haruka."

Nothing.

"Haru-chan, wake up." He sighed, moving to grab the boy by his wrist, wanting to move him to a proper bed if he didn't wake up.

"You called me Haru-chan."

The shock of hearing the other's voice doubled with the realisation that he was awake all along and that he was waiting for that moment he'd slip up. It was an unwritten rule for him, so as it'd be easier to break ties, to refuse to call him Haru-chan, opting to use the more formal, less emotionally attached Haruka. Honestly, did he have a vendetta against his general well being, scaring him like this and making him feel things he shouldn't?

Sitting up, Haruka stared at Makoto, wide-eyed and expectant. "So?"

"So."

"Can we--"

"We can't."

His tone was final, low and sure, but his entire being wanted to embrace the man before him the moment he let out those words, every ounce of confidence he had in himself leaving his body. The desire to bring him into an embrace doubled as he saw how Haruka's eyes grew wide, it's usual twinkle (oh how beautiful they are, he mused) gone, replaced with the darkest depths of the ocean, closing itself off to anyone who dares come it's way.

"Haruka I'm so--"

"It's fine."

They both know it wasn't.

—

The night ended there, and it was the dreaded morning after for Makoto and Haruka. This wasn't how either of them wanted to start their days, and especially not how they wanted to end their vacation. But what's done is done, and they don't think anything can soothe their feelings now. (There is, though. Answer: each other)

They weren't on speaking terms and after last night Makoto wasn't surprised. He was leaving again, and now he made sure to bring his heart with him. (Truth: He could never get it back.)

The travel to the train station was uneventful--they said their good-byes to their friends through text but made sure to stop by Makoto's house before leaving. Haruka hasn't said a word and refuses to respond to his casual nudges, eyes on the pavement under him as they headed home, separating once they get back to Tokyo, the possibility of them contacting each other currently in the negatives.

The ride home was just as uneventful, Haruka barely sparing him a glance, eyes trained on the movement of one of the handles.

They didn't even said a word of goodbye when they parted ways, the eyes that Makoto had once loved (still does) probably gone forever. And it was because of him.

—

The moment he got home he wanted to vomit. He tasted like regret, the pang of his words back at Haruka's hurting more than he had imagined. However sure he was of himself back then, he surely wasn't now. The fact that he had to live with himself, knowing that Haruka had actually tried to reach out to him, despite his obvious radio silence throughout the years, and ultimately failing his (ex) best friend turned stranger. But old habits die hard, and the moment he laid eyes on Haruka, he could read him like an open book.

Haruka's entire being was a language only he could understand, a code only he could decipher, and now that he was gone he had no means of being able to make sure Haruka wasn't misunderstood and disliked. He was a beautiful being, that much he knew and took as a fact, and he was the most beautiful in water. (That, everyone knows). But when they parted ways it looked as if his entire body was crumbling, his frame turning delicate, crumbling. 

He wanted to throw up in the hopes of emptying himself out--out of memories, regrets, wrongdoings, everything. But he couldn't, and the week passed idly after.

—

A week, then a month, then it's been almost a year.

Radio silence again, and now he wasn't expecting anything anymore. Makoto had clearly stated that he didn't want him, so what else is there to focus on besides swimming? Rin had been going out a lot with some college student (cradle robber, he thought, huffing as he made his way to the pools) and he was oftentimes left alone with his thoughts. And everyone knew what he was thinking of (answer: Makoto), which only meant more pain for Haruka. 

—

A year, two years, three, and four.

He's 29 now, and his routine is back to how it's been before he met up with Haruka. It was as though that entire time was a dream and he had just woken up. He's older now, busier than before with having been promoted to the Literature Department head and having to do lectures in other universities. He hasn't had time for himself lately, and he hasn't thought of Haruka since (Truth: He's thought of him every day since he left). 

He's 29 now and Haruka's been doing better at competitions, now having four cabinets full of trophies and medals at home. He's still modelling and has become more popular than ever, most fans complementing him and saying he 'aged like fine wine' (though he didn't think he was that old yet). The more noise he makes about him, the more it'll be harder for Makoto to forget he exists, or at least that's what he hopes. Because if he had to go through the years with his heart nestling at the pit of his stomach, he needed to share the pain.

Rin was still with that college boy (now turned sports journalist) and Rei and Nagisa had just announced their plans of moving to America together now that gay marriage was legalised. Everyone was moving on, and there he was, still stuck with the wants of his 17 year old self, still running (or rather, swimming) after the one that left him behind when they had an unspoken promise that he'd always be the one to help him out of the water--to help him breathe. But again, there was the issue with words. Their rule was unspoken, and there was no weight to whatever relationship they had. A sigh escaped his lips, thinking it would've been better if he had never tried to find him again in the first place.

They're 29 now and they still haven't spoken since, and maybe that's just how it's supposed to be--that's how they were supposed to act like as adults, as ordinary people.

—

The year didn't end without a bang, and unfortunately for him he had to guest on one of the Christmas specials of this one program he's never even heard of. Did they not get the memo that he rarely likes speaking?

"So, do you have a special someone, Mr. Nanase?"

"I did." He wasn't even thinking properly--it was Christmas and he still asked Santa for the same thing since that lonely winter when he was 18 and it dawned on him that Makoto wasn't coming back. But there he was, announcing on live television that he had a lover--oh how his manager would freak.

"Did? When did this happen? Was it just recently?"

"It's been a long time now."

"So no one new in your heart, recently? No one to spend Christmas with?"

"No one new in my heart, yeah. No one to spend Christmas with either."

"What's your Christmas wish then, Mr. Nanase? Maybe it'll be your Christmas miracle."

"I want this certain person back in my life, though I know that won't be happening anytime soon."

Makoto had turned the TV off almost instantaneously once Haruka started talking more, his sentences being more than five words long had scared him. Maybe he needed a Christmas miracle, too. Maybe if Santa Claus had existed, he could make the pain go away for the both of them. They were old and tired and their hearts were in each others' chests (though they didn't know that).

—

Maybe the universe had finally decided that it was time to reunite the two again, to give them another chance, because the last thing Makoto had expected was to see Haruka at their Christmas party. Or rather, at the venue.

It was quite the hotel, five stars and everything, so of course Haruka would be staying in such a place (he could afford it, surely) but why did it have to happen now, of all days?

"Haru...." He muttered, seeing the silhouette of a boy he once loved--loves--as he made his way through the lobby. As though by magic, he turned around, scanning the room, eyes immediately going wide when he saw Makoto across the hall. There weren't that many people, but that soon changed once someone had managed to squeal out Haruka's name

"Haru--!!" He was being brushed to the side by the crowd now, and maybe this was his chance to get away--to make sure the feelings he had desperately tried to hide would never surface once more. But his chance was foiled by someone grabbing his wrist, promptly dragging him into an elevator that a bouncer had kept open long enough for just the two of them to get in.

"Haruka...."

"Merry Christmas, Makoto." He said, smiling ever so slightly, his eyes still as dull as ever (at least in Makoto's eyes).

"Merry Christmas, Haruka."

Maybe Christmas miracles do exist, and that maybe God had more mercy than they had initially thought.

—

Haruka lead them to his room, elegant, though empty. Just like him.

"I'm sorry," Makoto had started, the first things coming out of his mouth just as the door had clicked shut.

"For?"

"Everything."

A sigh. "Makoto, we're almost 30. I don't care anymore."

A disgruntled noise. "You don't?"

"Well, you don't."

Another sigh. "I never said I didn't care about you, Haruka."

"That's what it sounded like when you threw me away."

"I never threw you away!"

Bringing his hands to his forehead, brows furrowed, he moved to sit at the edge of the bed, refusing to let another sigh escape his lips. "Makoto," he started, trying to find the right words, though he was never able to do such a feat before. "You didn't contact me for eight years after you had left for college. After we met, you didn't contact me for another four. Doesn't that count as throwing someone away?"

"That was never my intention--"

"I know it wasn't, but that's what happened, Makoto."

He was far too kind of a person to throw someone away. He knew that. But Haruka couldn't stop the bitter words coming out of his mouth and maybe it was about time he let loose.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I just--" He stopped, thinking that if he opened old wounds now, it'd never close. But for Haruka, it's been open the day Makoto had left. "Why?"

He didn't know how to answer, didn't know how to word anything. For once, Haruka had the upper hand when it came to speaking, and he was left feeling naked in the presence of his dearly beloved, the one whom he stripped of all the secrets of the universe and left an empty shell. He deserved to know, right? He deserved to close this entire ordeal forever and move on, right? They both did.

"I loved you, Haruka. I couldn't stand staying by you all those years, realising my love would bear no fruit. I moved on without you, because I thought you'd do the same. I'm sorry."

It took a while for Haruka to speak again, the only thing that he's done in the past few minutes (was it a few minutes? Or has it been hours? Maybe the year had already passed, and they were still there, time at a standstill just for them) was to gesture for Makoto to sit down on the sofa, the room enveloped in silence. "You said loved." He started, looking at Makoto, a faint twinkle returning to his eyes. "Do you still love me now, or is there really a past tense for that emotion?" He wanted to let out a bitter laugh, wanted to turn this entire thing into a joke and walk it all off--pretend he didn't see him and that this was all a dream, a figment of his imagination. But he couldn't, not when Makoto had moved closer to him, sighing before he answered.

The sigh in itself was concerning, but what he didn't expect was the words that had just come from Makoto's mouth. "I never stopped."

—

It was scary how everything fell in place after their Christmas miracle. Scary how by the end of that year, they had done more kissing and ravishing to make up for all the lost years on their part. Scary how they've moved from feeling lost to feeling whole, despite their hearts being inside each others' chests. Scary how despite the lost years, they're back to their usual banter, their usual routine, their usual selves.

It was scary how despite Makoto being busy and Haruka's competitions and dating announcement (that virtually broke the internet) had separated them more, they found more time for each other than normal. It was scary how despite the radio silence all those years, they still knew each other best--more than they knew themselves.

It was scary how old habits die hard, but at least to them, with the help of countless of prayers to whatever gods there may be, it never had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the mix I mentioned can be found [here](http://8tracks.com/iswearit/until-my-dying-day#smart_id) and the tracklist (and my tumblr) can be found [here](http://andiswearit.tumblr.com/post/61289704376)
> 
> PS: enagawa is that area where it's like a wooden veranda.....where they eat watermelons and drink tea-- ya feel  
> PPS: 'nebulas and novas and night sky' were taken from vienna teng's never look away song
> 
> THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND I HOPE I DID WELL  
> THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS  
> UNTIL NEXT TIME! ♡♡♡


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